There aren’t very many rites of passage left in our society. Reaching the age of 21 and surviving is one of those important moments of recognition as a real adult. It is your duty, as a friend, to make sure that when someone turns 21 they don’t remember any of it. I know that there are different versions of each of these shots and I know that some of you will be dying to tell me that “your version” is the real version. Trust me, I don’t care. If I cared about what people thought, I’d be in politics, not entertainment.
1. Four Horsemen
Jack, Johnny, Jim, and Jose.
Four Horsemen is the number one shot when you really want to get your friend fucked up. This shit is nothing but liquor… four of the best. It’s not easy to toss back, but it’ll get the job done. Don’t bother introducing your friend to those three pussy ass wise men, bring on the mother fucking apocalypse in his mouth!
2. Flaming 151
151 is just about the strongest thing you could ever make someone else drink. Not only is it strong as hell, but you can light it on fire. It’s so strong that it literally burns. Nothing sets you apart as a good friend more than giving the drunken birthday boy the opportunity to set his face on fire. Make sure your cameras are ready. The best setting for this flaming bad decision is Sunrise/Sunset mode.
3. Liquid Cocaine
Equal parts Bacardi 151, Jagermeister, and Goldschlager.
This delicious concoction is just about the only way to tame 151. However, taming 151 with Jager and Goldschlager is a lot like taming a wild elephant by shoving a hornet’s nest up its ass. This shot is no joke, but it’s a good way to get your friend to drink if he refuses other shots, because I mean… Who turns down cocaine, in any form?
4. Dead Nazi
2/3 oz Rumple Minze
2/3 oz Jagermeister
The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi. The minty fresh death of Rumple Minze and the spiced herbs of Jager combine beautifully in this atrocity of a shot. The best toast to go along with a Dead Nazi is “Cheers to Hitler. May the devil be out of lube.”
5. Cement Mixer
1 part Bailey’s Irish Cream
1 part limejuice
This is easily one of the more disgusting things you could ever subject someone too. This is a good one to order after the target is already fucked up and doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to understand what he’s about to do. You take a shot of Bailey’s and hold it in your mouth. Then you take a shot of lime juice. As soon as the lime juice hits the Baileys, it starts to curdle. You shake your head and swish it around in your mouth until you want to throw up all over everyone. Then you swallow it. It’s fucking terrible, so you should definitely order at least five. You can get it combined in a shot glass too, if you’re a pussy.
6. Prairie Oyster
1/4 oz Cognac or Bourbon
1 Raw Egg
Salt and Pepper
If the Cement Mixer doesn’t immediately haymaker your friend in the gut, you might be dealing with a battle tested 21 year old. The Prairie Oyster is the solution to the type of person who swears that he “can drink anything.” Some people drink this as a hangover cure, but I see it more as a guarantee for projectile vomiting. Make sure you’re out of the splash zone when this slimy bitch goes down the hatch.
7. Dead Man Walking
1/2 oz Absinthe
1/2 oz Goldschlager
Absinthe may not be easy to come by, especially in your average college bar. But if you can get your hands on some, this shot is pretty much a concussion in a glass. Your buddy’s body may still work, but his brain will be dead. Don’t worry too much about him getting naked and chasing after green fairies, most absinthe is so strong that he’ll black out before he starts tripping balls.
8. Prairie Fire
3/4 oz tequila
1/4 oz Tabasco sauce
It goes down smooth and tastes like burning. This shot is hilarious because you get to see how many glasses of water your friend can chug after he takes it. It’s a good way to easily rehydrate him if he starts getting too sloppy.
Straight up. Game, set, match.
10. The Rage Rocket: a Rage Theory original.
I’ve decided to make up my own shot for your drinking pleasure. It’s a little fucked up to give this to your friends without their knowledge or consent, so this is something you should probably make for yourself. I dare you to give it a test drive.
1/4th oz Whiskey
1/4th oz Rum
1/4th oz Vodka
1/4th oz Tequila
A splash of guava juice (because that shit’s delicious)
A dash of gunpowder
A drop of LSD
Knock back a few of these and I personally guarantee that you won’t know what the fuck is going on. When you’re clinging to the toilet, vomiting rainbows into the altar of the porcelain gods, remember who sent you…
Happy birthday motherfucker.
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