Self-gratification stories are timeless. Think about it: Every single male you interact with, your classmates, your professors, your family, etc. has weird, shameful fapping stories locked away in their memories. It’s a bond we all share as males. We are the hornier gender.
Some of these aren’t so surprising. Case in point: I’ve had multiple friends admit to fapping in the airplane bathroom. It’s why I’m always skeptical when I see a teen using the in-flight bathroom. I know what he his doing in there.
Now, nobody wants to publicly share these hilarious stories, unless there was, say, a forum where they could do it anonymously. Luckily for us, Reddit is the perfect medium to unearth some of these hilarious fapping tales from the past. If you are a man enough, feel free to share your own story in the comments.
I jerked off in a public pool shower naked when I was 12. I thought I was alone. I turned around and saw an old man staring at me.
That old man probably was just a little upset he didn’t beat you to the punch.
When I was about 14 I was fapping while my dad was working on the roof, hammering away on some new plywood. I was interrupted by my younger brother telling me that my dad was in trouble and needed help. Turns out he fell off the roof and dislocated his shoulder and the banging I heard was him pounding the wall to get our attention. He’ll never know why I never came.
What a great son you are.
I’m like 15 and I’m taking a huge post IHOP dump. I can hear my parents in the other room wondering out loud why I was in the bathroom so long and joking that I’m probably fapping in there.
I fapped out of spite.
That’ll show ‘em.
I broke my left arm and dislocated my right shoulder in two separate skateboarding accidents (High school was fun, wasn’t it?). Being a horny lil teenager, I felt the urge to splooge about two days after getting fitted for a cast. I took off my shoulder brace and had the most painful fap I’ve ever experienced. I felt my shoulder bones rubbing against each other, but I was still rock hard. Naturally, all this pain made the fapping take longer, and I couldn’t even look at porn due to being grounded from the skateboarding incidents.
Was it worth it? Doesn’t sound like it was.
I once jacked off on a plane.
In my seat.
With an old lady next to me.
I was young and I had a large hoodie on that I had retracted my arms ink as I was cold. Then I guess I realized how easy it’d be to pull my junk out under the hoodie and jerked it ever so silently.
But then you had to deal with a crusty hoodie.
When I was 11 or so, ABC aired a movie with nudity in it, uncensored and with limited commercial interruption. I’d only just discovered masturbation the previous summer. It was the 90s. I never got to see tits, like ever. But I got to see tits that night.
My dad was sitting on one couch in the living room. I was layin on another couch. With a blanket over me. We watched. So many naked women. Cannot contain boner. A scene where dozens of nude women are shepherded into some sort of… chamber. Trying hard not to shake blanket while getting my strokes in. Nude women are trapped in room, scared. Then, overhead sprinklers drench the nude women in cool refreshing water, much to their nude-women-relief. I came. It was Schindler’s List. I masturbated during Schindler’s List with my dad in the room.
Good God, man.
To Princess Diana on the day she died, still feel bad about it
A proper memorial.
When I was 15 or so, I had a long flight over to my home country of Sweden to visit everyone that isn’t my immediate family. No idea what made me horny, but it was a 9 hour flight so not much else to do. Asked the flight attendant for a blanket and rubbed my clit until I came. No clue if the person next to me ever noticed. Feel a little weird about that still
Find yourself a Swedish girl.
The annual Christmas afternoon fap comes with a healthy dose of guilt. In a way it’s become part of the tradition for me.
The gift that keeps on giving.
So my best friend and I always used to joke about how happy we’d be if the other one died. One day I promised him that if he died I’d be so delighted that I’d have a wank at his funeral.
Fast forward a year and he was killed in an accident. It remains to this day the saddest I’ve ever been.
But, a promise is a promise. I nipped off to the church toilets after the service. It wasn’t easy to finish, but I’d previously banged one of the girls who was at the service so I had some ammunition.
I like to think he was looking down on me from above, with a healthy mixture of disgust and respect.
Just a weird thing to promise to your friend.
I was 15 she was 21. I jerked off watching her take a shower from her bed. She knew about it, still felt weird.
The fact that you were on her bed at age 15 is impressive.
My mother-in-law spanking my wife over-the-knee to tears while telling me how to properly discipline her.
This was a fantasy that I got after watching my mother in law jokingly spank my wife a couple times over her lap. My mother in law is reasonably fit and decent looking.
Your mother-in-law sounds hot.
I always felt horrible after busting a nut to my cousin’s dirty panties while visiting for the holidays.
That’s low-key incest.
a female professor rushed out of a meeting crying uncontrollably. she went back to her office and kept crying, i stood outside and had a unexpected boner and i rubbed one out in a inconspicuous location nearby, to the sound of her crying.
What a good little pupil.
On a submarine you share a small 10×13 room with 8 other guys. Normally the sound of ventilation mask your fap sessions. One lonely night I was mid fap when the ventilation went out. Its so quite you can hear people breathing. Nice slow long strokes got it done son.
You know what they say about the Navy: 100 guys go down, 50 couples come up.
When I was 12 I was staying at my grandmothers house. It was late at night and we were watching TV. After about an hour she dozes off and I switch to the Playboy channel and went to work with her 2 feet away from me. Still haunts me to this day.
The next day she probably baked you some warm, gooey cookies, too.
While in high school my girlfriend called me one night mid fap.
She proceeded to inform me that her grandmother had died. I stayed on the phone to console her and finished the fap as I prayed with her.
And we’re done here.
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