19-Year-Old Urinates In Reservoir, Costs Portland 38 Million Gallons Of Water

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This is quite a shame, as I’ve heard Portland, Ore., has some of the best damn tap water to offer in the country.

From Fox News:

Portland officials said Wednesday they are flushing away millions of gallons of treated water for the second time in less than three years because someone urinated into a city reservoir.

The incident occurred shortly after 1 a.m., when Water Bureau security personnel noticed three men on camera at Mount Tabor Reservoir No. 5. One was seen on video urinating through an iron fence, officials said. Minutes later, two other young men attempted to scale the fence.

The three men, whose names have not been released, were cited for trespassing and excluded from Mount Tabor Park. A 19-year-old was cited for public urination.

What a shitty situation (pun not intended). Not to mention, that’s a hell of a lot of water to waste, all because one presumably decently drunk individual took a leak into what he may very well have mistaken as a small, manmade lake.

Just how much water needs to be flushed?

In June 2011, the city drained a 7.5 million-gallon reservoir at Mount Tabor in southeast Portland. This time, 38 million gallons from a different reservoir at the same location will be discarded after a 19-year-old was videotaped in the act.

38 MILLION GALLONS?! Down the drain? Because one guy urinated in it (again)? What about a way to filter it?

Thankfully, David Shaff, one of the Portland Water Bureau administrators, offered some punctual remarks on the matter.

“The basic commandment of the Water Bureau is to provide clean, cold and constant water to its customers,” bureau administrator David Shaff said Wednesday. “And the premise behind that is we don’t have pee in it.”

Well, I guess that makes sense. A city probably doesn’t have a sterling reputation for its water if there’s pee floating around in it, right?

The (city’s) open reservoirs hold water that has already been treated and goes directly into mains for distribution to customers.

The urine poses little risk — animals routinely deposit waste without creating a public health crisis — but Shaff said he doesn’t want to serve water that was deliberately tainted.

“There is at least a perceived difference from my perspective,” Shaff said. “I could be wrong on that, but the reality is our customers don’t anticipate drinking water that’s been contaminated by some yahoo who decided to pee into a reservoir.”

You seem like quite a man of principle, David Shaff. And thanks for telling me there’s always animal waste in my water–totally made my day! But how the hell are you going to replace ALL of the water? There’s no way it can be cheap or easy to recoup that much H20, right?

“It’s easy to replace those 38 million gallons of water,” Shaff said. “We’re not in the arid Southwest. We’re not in drought-stricken parts of Texas or Oklahoma.”

Oh. Okay, I see you, Shaff. Way to rub it in the drought-stricken faces of the Southwest. Just go ahead and throw away 38 million gallons of perfectly fine water out of principle. Nice.

The suspect in question is still awaiting a court decision regarding further legal action. That was the most expensive piss he’ll ever take in his life, especially if Shaff has anything to say about it.

[via Fox News]

Ashley Schaeffer is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move. If you thought he was a woman, he'll take that as a compliment, because he loves women. Wooh. He's proud to hold two degrees from Penn State, and certainly contributed to the university's reputable rankings in the party school category during his time there. He's even more proud to anchor the TFM News team. Feel free to hit up his pager or drop an email (SchaefferTFM@gmail.com) with any warranted leads, or just to shoot the breeze about Philly sports. In the meantime, drop by his dealership for great deals on gently used BMW's.

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