20 Places I’d Rather Get Married Than At A Macklemore Grammy Performance

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Nice Move

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In a bizarre, but very Hollywood-esque stunt, 33 couples decided to get married during Macklemore’s rendition of “Same Love” at the Grammy Awards last night. Macklemore, Hollywood’s self-appointed social justice revolutionary (he thought he was gay in third grade because he was good at drawing), invited the couples to exchange rings and vows on camera after he finished the performance. The couples, both gay and straight, were married by Queen Latifah, who is apparently qualified to do such a thing in the state of California. It was all very contrived and trivialized Hollywood. Here is a description from Entertainment Weekly, as well as a video of the production.

It was a nice demonstration of the song’s marriage-equality themes. Playing the role of officiant, Latifah asked the couples to exchange their rings. She declared them all spouses. The newlyweds flocked down the aisle. And it was at that particular moment that freaking Madonna walked onstage, joining everyone in a “Same Love” singalong. It was an emotional moment, is what I’m getting at.

It got me thinking: where are some the places I’d rather exchange vows than at the Grammy Awards during a Macklemore song? The list is infinite really, but here are 20 places that came to my mind first:

Suffocating on secondhand smoke inside of a casino in Shreveport, Louisiana.

On Captain Phillips’ ship while it was being commandeered by Somali pirates.

During halftime at the WNBA Finals.

Prison (men’s or women’s).

On Bourbon Street in New Orleans hours after Hurricane Katrina.

Jimmy Carter’s beach house.

Our fraternity basement the night after probation ended.

The recently demilitarized zones surrounding Kabul, Afghanistan.

Standing on the back of JFK’s open limo as it turned down Elm Street.

Siberia.

Jerry Jones owner’s box during a Cowboys game in December.

The Bin Laden family Pakistani compound.

Inside one of Nike’s Chinese sweatshops after they received an urgent order from the University of Oregon.

At Justin Bieber’s state-mandated therapy sessions/treatments.

Running low on oxygen inside the Russian Space Station.

The Penn State football complex.

At Joshua Tree National Park with Steve Jobs 45 minutes after taking LSD.

Inside Quentin Tarantino’s imagination.

Jordan Belfort’s yacht sailing from Monaco to Switzerland.

The Democratic National Convention.

Like I said, the list is infinite, but that’s because there is literally nothing worse than getting married at a freaking Macklemore concert.

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