20 Reasons Why Ladies Love Chest Hair

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Last week, the brilliant Nanner provided a list of the “20 Reasons Why Ladies Love The Gut.” It got us thinking–what else are men erroneously being told that women are adverse to? This led us to the great chest hair debate. While most ladies don’t want to spend the night with Chewbacca (no judgment, though, if that’s your thing) there’s something about chest hair that turns us on. In our opinion, shaving your chest hair is like slapping God in the face for a beautiful gift. But with the rise of manscaping, we seem to find fewer and fewer guys who want to keep the man fur in place. While we appreciate you keeping it maintained–a little trim never hurt anyone–here’s our argument for why you shouldn’t go fully bare.

  1. Much like the cleavage you like to see peeking out of our shirts, there’s something incredibly sexy about chest hair peeping out from yours.
  2. If you ever start to lose it from your head, perhaps they can transplant it from your chest.
  3. Combined with a happy trail, it can point us ladies in the right direction.
  4. The average cost of a chest wax is $30. Done monthly, that’s $360 a year. That’s a lot of beer money.
  5. Not to mention, chest waxing is painful–did we learn nothing from “The 40 Year Old Virgin”?
  6. Chest hair feels nice against our cheek when we put our head on your chest…
  7. …whereas stubble that pops up after you shave your chest does not. It’s like beard burn on crack.
  8. Chest hair was THE symbol of manliness in in the ’70s and ’80s. And isn’t that time of excess a time we all want to go back to?
  9. It’s a natural, extra layer of warmth on a cold winter’s night.
  10. If a sex position doesn’t allow us to reach the hair on your head, we can tug the hair on your chest to express our pleasure.
  11. Actual science: a man’s body has scent-releasing organs called apocrine glands. These glands emit aromatic chemicals, such as testosterone, that are unique to every person and may help attract members of the opposite sex. Body hair (including chest hair) traps and strengthens those odors, projecting them further than they would go otherwise. So your chest hair is pretty much like a bullhorn broadcasting your hotness to the ladies.
  12. Pecs not quite up to par? Chest hair is the ultimate camouflage.
  13. Julius Caesar used to have every hair plucked from his body–look how well that turned out for him.
  14. If you’re gonna wax anywhere, please make it your back. Thanks.
  15. Show us a dude who wears a carpet on his chest and we’ll show you someone who doesn’t give a shit about what people think. That kind of confidence is hot.
  16. Sean Connery was James Bond while rocking a full chest pelt. What dude doesn’t want to be like James Bond?
  17. More science: chest hair can help ward off bed bugs. Seriously.
  18. Once you start a total chest deforestation, the upkeep time is substantial. That’s hours you could spend drinking, playing video games, or having sex. So it’s really a question of how you want to spend your time.
  19. What dudes with chest hair lack in aerodynamics, they make up for in fulfilling women’s “Teen Wolf” or “Austin Powers” fantasies.
  20. Tom Selleck still has a career for a reason, you guys.
There really did used to be 2NOTBrokeGirls, but since one of them spent all of her money on shoes and vodka, there's now just one (financially stable) J, who is too lazy to change her user name. J spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to go to graduate school, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @2NOTBrokeGirls on Twitter or 2NOTBrokeGirls@gmail.com.

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