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20 Ways Being In A Fraternity Is Like Being Aaron Hernandez

 

1. Shots at the end of the night have a knack for getting you in trouble.

2. It’s becoming clearer by the day that your friends from back home are jerks.

3. Evidence of last night’s mistakes tend to be poorly hidden.

4. What you did as an underclassman is still coming back to haunt you.

5. The media is salivating over the opportunity to make you look bad.

6. Going SEC was probably the easiest decision of your life.

7. Hidden surveillance cameras frequently foil your after-hours mischief.

8. Fights have been known to break out after one of your boys talked to a group of rivals.

9. You probably have too much money for your own society’s good.

10. You have no qualms with making your rowdy best friend look good by comparison.

11. You tend to act belligerent.

12. When you get into trouble, there’s a good chance that a nerd set you up so he can take your job.

13. The worst police abuse you can think of is them impeding on your right to bear arms.

14. Your President probably hates you, but there’s no way in hell that he would talk to anyone outside your organization about what you pull.

15. Women always seem to be in the middle of the drama in your life.

16. Employers have always overlooked your massive character issues because of your God-given talent.

17. Wherever life takes you, you’ll always be a patriot.

18. You’re a pretty straight shooter.

19. No matter what kind of hot water you land in, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if you talked your way out of it.

20. You just want to put this summer behind you and get back into a football stadium.

 

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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