20-Year-Old Reported Missing, Turns Out He Was Just Having Crazy Sex For Two Daysby Roger_Dorn 11 months ago
Not only does this kid get laid for a couple days straight to ring in the new year, but thanks to some shitty cell phone communication and a widespread manhunt, now everyone knows he got laid for two days straight. Talk about street cred.
From The Telegraph:
Dale Rowlinson-Bates, 20, left his mother Julie, 44, distraught when she was unable to contact her son after he went out with friends in Birmingham.
She was so worried about Dale, who calls her every day, she contacted police, who drafted in 50 officers to hunt for him. But while the mother-of-five feared the worst, her son was in fact enjoying a romance with a girl he met at a club on New Year’s Eve. He had been partying with friends at the Q Club, Birmingham until the early hours of January 1 but decided to separate from the group and head to a rave with his new friend.
Mr Rowlinson-Bates’ last contact with his mother was at 8.30pm on New Year’s Eve, when he texted her to tell her where he was. His friends last saw him at 5.30am the next morning, leaving his family and friends “frantic” after he appeared to have disappeared. His mother created a Facebook group calling on locals to help find her son.
It was only when he finally contacted his older brother Kieran, 24, at 4pm on Wednesday, after two days, that Mr Rowlinson-Bates realised the trouble he had caused and sheepishly returned home.
This little British shit is a total momma’s boy, man. Well, he was anyway. 2013 is a new year, and young Dale is a grown ass man now.
He was just trying to break free of mum’s overprotective shackles and break off a piece of that British ass without having to check in with her every hour on the hour. It’s New Year’s Eve, lady, and Dale is a grown lad — of drinking age in Europe — and he has a penis that works. Give him some room.
This hombre was only incommunicado for a day and half before he contacted his older brother. He probably found his phone after nursing one hellacious hangover and saw 180 text messages and 55 voicemails from you, then stuffed it back in his Euro-style capri pants pocket and hopped back in bed. Why do you think he called his brother and not you?
Time to pop that titty out of his mouth and let him find his way.
[via The Telegraph]
Got a news story that we should know about? Send us a tip at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Also by Roger_Dorn
- FIJI Pledges Go Clark W. Griswold On 13-Foot Campus Christmas Tree, Get Busted
- Naked Photos Of Oxford University Women’s Rugby Team Are Hotter Than You’d Think
- Bad Advice from Roger Dorn
- UM Sigma Chi Sued For Firing Cannon At Old Man’s Face
- The Many Faces Of Devastation – Bama Fans React To Iron Bowl Thriller