You just put in a 14-hour day crushing countless Natty Lights on an empty stomach, asserted dominance over any fool that went even remotely close to the ladderball setup, and shamelessly finger blasted your pledge brother’s 18-year-old sister under the sign-in table. Needless to say, you had your hands full, so you undoubtedly missed what went down throughout the rest of the country.
No worries, guys. That’s what I’m here for: to spend Saturdays watching college football. Your thanks is not necessary, as I’m not in this line of work for the praise. I make the sacrifice of planting my ass firmly on the couch so people like you don’t have to — so you can go out and live the tailgate life the way tailgate life was meant to be lived.
We’re back for another college football season. Finally. Let’s set the tone for the weekly recap from the get-go.
“Let it fucking rip, man.” If we haven’t already printed the shirts for RG or TFM Tilt, we’re just throwing away free money. This is our mantra. This is our battle cry. This is our [Buzzfeed’s] everything. I’m claiming it from the rest of the Internet solely based off our proximity to where these words were said. We’re letting it rip.
Someone over in marketing must have heard me.
“The best opening week slate of games ever.” I think that line was dropped once or twice on a telecast at some point this weekend, but from a surprising overtime thriller on Thursday to a 22-point comeback Monday Night, it certainly lived up to the billing. And we came out of the gates firing on all cylinders.
What did I tell you, Knoxville? Butch had it under control the entire time. “Experts'” sexy pick to win the SEC East and dark horse national championship contender survives against a team that couldn’t throw the ball more than five yards in the air.
Our Colorado Buffs move to 1-0
@Dan_Regester Today, we are ALL Buffs.
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) September 3, 2016
Weekly reminder that Christian McCaffrey is a video game come to life.
My school won for the first time in what seems like a century.
Scott Frost saved his bag of tricks for Ann Arbor. We’re coming for that ass, Michigan.
Speaking of which…
Harbaugh is still a complete lovable lunatic.
Stingray Steve is a stronger man than most.
Houston kicks down the door to get into the Big 12
I put the mush on friend of the site, Josh Rosen.