This year, the world’s expectations for the summer Olympics may be at a historic low thanks to a myriad of missteps brought to you by Brazil, its Prime Minister, governance, and the city of Rio De Janeiro. It’s fitting that we recline our chairs and soak in the Rio shit show, beer in hand — we’re going to have to be pretty drunk to find enjoyment in this summer’s games. Accordingly, here is TFM’s 2016 Summer Olympic drinking game.
Take a drink every time…
• A commentator mentions sewage in the bay water.
• The US medals.
• You hear the name “Michael Phelps.”
• They pan over to the Brazilian Prime Minister.
• Zika is mentioned.
• You scope a female athlete, shrug, and say “would.”
• Brazil wins a bullshit medal.
• You realize you miss football.
Take two drinks every time…
• You have no idea where a country is.
• A Brazilian soccer player is spotlighted.
• A reference to Harambe is made.
• Michael Phelps wins a medal.
• An athlete’s poor performance is attributed to the substandard living conditions in the Olympic villages.
• A company calls their product “the official xyz of the Summer Olympics.”
• An athlete cries after medaling.
• Harrison feels compelled to spotlight another irrelevant athlete for the sheer fact that she has a nice ass.
Take three drinks every time…
• A commentator has no idea where a country is.
• A gymnast eats shit.
• Someone loses a key.
• The broadcast cuts to the US Men’s Basketball team’s yacht.
• Michael Phelps is mentioned in the same breath as marijuana.
• An athlete fucks up royally and cries.
• Someone brings up Russia’s doping scandal.
• The US takes gold in an event.
• We’re reminded the Olympics could have been in Chicago, but we fucked up.
Finish your drink when…
• A commentator cracks up at the mention of Chinese (not Japanese) gymnast “Dong Dong.”
• The US men’s basketball team beats another country’s team by more than 40.
• The basketball team wanders into a brothel.
• A US athlete sets a world record.
• A U-S-A chant breaks out..