21 Asshole Moves To Pull On The Golf Course

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Nice Move

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  1. Quoting Daniel Lafferty’s “Probably the only good one I’ll hit all day, huh?” after your first tee shot of the day.
  2. Blaming your missed three-footer on your $400 putter.
  3. Announcing your tee shot distance moments after impact.
  4. Giving your cart mate a swing tip right after he sticks one near the pin.
  5. Asking what the course record is after you’re three over on the second hole.
  6. “Wind held it up a bit,” after your longest drive of the day.
  7. Giving yourself a two-foot gimme putt.
  8. “I need to get rid of this old thing,” about last year’s driver model after violently slicing one into the woods.
  9. Tossing your ball to the nonexistent crowd after sinking a putt of any length or difficulty.
  10. Giving yourself a three-foot gimme putt.
  11. Refusing to pick up an expensive, non-Titleist golf ball because you “don’t like how it reacts” to your “natural draw swing.”
  12. “You’re out, go ahead and putt,” even though it’s essentially impossible to tell whose ball is farther from the hole.
  13. Giving yourself a five-foot gimme putt.
  14. Asking your buddy for the distance to the pin, overhitting your shot by 20 yards, then asking him if he’s “sure about that distance.”
  15. “This is a dog-leg left, right?” after terribly hooking your tee shot.
  16. Pulling your cart in front of the other one in your group and parking it in the lead spot at every stop.
  17. Announcing your upcoming gimme putt while your approach shot is still in the air.
  18. Refusing to drive the cart to find your partner’s ball because “it’s like 100 feet deep in the woods, man,” even though it clearly rolled just inside the tree line.
  19. Don’t give anyone in your group a gimme putt the entire round.
  20. Pull the Invisible Group prank. Note: This will be a group effort.

    Here’s how it works: Wait until the group ahead of you is within striking distance of your tee shots. Ideally, this would be a time when they are waiting on the group ahead of them so they are stuck in the danger zone for a good while. Hit your tee shots as if they are not there. You obviously hope you don’t hit any of them and cause serious injury, but what are the chances of that happening? Not enough to worry about–that’s how low. The group you’re hitting into will be totally befuddled as to why all four of you hit into them when they were clearly in harm’s way. Ignore them. Drive up to your balls casually, discuss your shot with your group, line up your shots one-by-one, and hit away. Meanwhile, the group will be angrily approaching yours and discussing your complete lack of acknowledgement of them. They’re invisible, so don’t look at them or respond to them. Nonchalantly drive away after your group has all completed your approach shots.

  21. Telling everyone you shot a “smooth ______.”


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