21 Power Moves To Pull On The 4th Of July

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23 Power Moves To Pull On The 4th Of July

  1. Belittling a British person. If none are available, someone from Canada will suffice.
  2. Challenging everyone to a shotgunning contest, and then starting before they respond and emphatically slamming your can down.
  3. When someone questions why you are so drunk at 9 a.m., respond by saying “Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America.”
  4. Creating your own impromptu fireworks display.
  5. Automatically declaring yourself grill master regardless of skills or grill ownership.
  6. Making out with every girl you see and saying “it’s what the founding fathers would want.”
  7. Shooting Roman candles at anyone who says America isn’t the greatest country on earth.
  8. Yelling America as you belly-flop into the crowded community pool.
  9. Commandeering the party music and blaring “God Bless America” on loop.
  10. Drinking only American made alcoholic beverages, and slapping the drink out of anyone’s hand who is drinking a foreign drink.
  11. Soaking all the watermelons with Everclear, even the one at the kid’s table because you believe everyone should be drinking for America.
  12. Shouting “I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO DRINK” as the lake police pull alongside your boat for a BUI stop.
  13. Demanding everyone at the party you’re attending to recite the Declaration of Independence. If they refuse or fail, obnoxiously call them out.
  14. Aggressively pursuing happiness to the point that it may endanger your life, and put your liberty at temporary risk due to incarceration.
  15. Entering the parade, and tossing the kids cold ones instead of candy.
  16. Starting the party off with “The Star Spangled Banner,” and kicking out anyone who doesn’t remove their cap and put their hand over their heart.
  17. Telling the foreign girl studying abroad that you’ll give her some American meat.
  18. Taking down the plate of hot dogs as fast as you can before anyone else has one, and then declaring yourself the winner of the hot dog eating contest.
  19. Promptly starting a U-S-A chant when you arrive at a new bar, or anywhere really.
  20. If you’re overseas, carrying Old Glory wherever you go and reminding everyone you see that America is back-to-back World War champs.
  21. Untying every American flag bikini you see because they don’t adhere to flag code.

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