22 Reasons To Drink On A Weeknight

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Brothers,

When you rip into some booze on a weekend night, you’re partaking in expected behavior. No one will ever question your intake of alcohol on the weekend. However, many of us also prefer to imbibe on your average weekday, too, which is something that may get you a few sideways looks. In light of that, it’s never a bad idea to have a few excuses on hand as to why, even if the only person you’re justifying it to is yourself.

  1. You’re impossibly unproductive already, so being hungover isn’t going to make it worse.
  2. There’s any kind of sporting event on TV.
  3. Your student loans are outstanding every day of the week, not just Saturday and Sunday.
  4. There’s a new guy in your ex’s profile picture.
  5. Someone just showed up with beer. You can’t turn down free beer.
  6. You’re not legally allowed to listen to Robert Earl Keen sober.
  7. Your morning classes are canceled. Well, not canceled–you just decided not to go.
  8. There’s a “Die Hard” marathon on TV.
  9. How else are you going to beat the hangover from when you made the same decision last night?
  10. You ordered pizza, and only communists and teenage girls will eat a pizza without beer.
  11. You found a bottle of whiskey in your closet that you totally forgot about.
  12. It’s a holiday. Or at least it is according to the Internet, after you searched “holidays on [today’s date].”
  13. Your roommate is drinking, and you want to make sure you get your share of that bottle you split with him.
  14. To reward yourself for not drinking last night.
  15. It’s not your fault the NFL started doing Thursday night games.
  16. It’s hard to maintain the dad body if you’re only drinking two nights a week.
  17. You ran out of other things to drink.
  18. People assume you are anyway, so you might as well.
  19. The liquor store was having a sale. Sure, you didn’t know that until you got there, but that doesn’t make it untrue.
  20. Because some chode you don’t like said you shouldn’t.
  21. If you drink while you study, then you can show up to your exam drunk, because that’s how booze memory works, right?
  22. The beer is cold.
Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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