25 Things I’m Thankful For

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1. Our military, active and retired
Always #1 for me.

2. Wide open fairways and slow rolling greens
Because I need all the help I can get.

3. College football
Even when my team sometimes plays like hot garbage, it’s the best sport out there.

4. Single malt scotch
And the pleasant burn of the first sip.

5. The first guy who submitted a rush boobs photo
And that he simply goes by tnuts.

6. redonk8, the second guy who submitted a rush boobs photo
Because he made it a trend.

7. That one guy who submitted a very nude, very explicit rush boob/vagina photo
Don’t even ask to see it. It’s long gone now.

8. Al Gore
Without his world wide info-sharing innovation, I’d be an accountant or some shit.

9. Mirrored sunglass lenses
If you have them, you know why.

10. Football game flyovers
A U.S. military dominance spectacle and football. Chills every time.

11. Being on the ascending side of the peak age of the female sexual drive
Gonna be a good ride.

12. Ryan McLatchy
Because Ryan McLatchy will never be sufficiently appreciated.

13. Cleavage
It’s almost always good, and many times it’s better than the real thing.

14. The guy who said, “Fuck bottles!” and just put a whole mess of wine in a bag and a box, then put a spout on it
Boxed wine is just an all-around superior product.

15. Open bar weddings
The pinnacle of post-gradding.

16. Bachelor parties
Forgot about these. They’re the real post-grad pinnacle.

17. The spread offense
I’m typically a traditionalist, but it’s just more fun to watch.

18. Lax university alcohol consumption policies on gameday
Don’t get it, but I love it.

19. Traditional college football programs that refuse to alter their uniforms.
Goddamn, Oregon.

20. Las Vegas, NV
If you’ve never been, you live an unfulfilled life.

21. A great areola-to-breast ratio
It’s a make or break.

22. This country
The grass in the front lawn isn’t as green as it used to be, but we’re still the biggest, baddest house in the neighborhood with a Ferrari in the driveway.

23. A full, plush head of hair
Sometimes I’ll just run my fingers through it for a quick pick-me-up.

24. The publication of the TFM Book
And vicariously living the amazing college lifestyle of TP III.

25. All of you sickos out there
Happy Thanksgiving.


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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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