It’s one thing to steal composites or throw beer bottles into your neighbor’s courtyard, but sometimes more severe measures are required. Here are 25 revenge ideas ranging from simplistic to the most sadistic:
1. Egg the shit out of their house. Make sure you let the eggs rot for a good semester or two first.
2. TP the whole house. Classic, but unimaginative.
3. Top shelf every single one of their toilets.
4. Put ads all over the city advertising their chapter room as a homeless shelter.
5. Grease the floors.
6. Put asbestos in the walls.
7. Circle jerk on the founding fathers’ composite picture.
8. Super glue all the locks.
9. Put baking soda in the ketchup bottles and shake them up. The vinegar in the ketchup reacts and ketchup explodes everywhere when the bottle is opened the next day.
10. Load potato guns full of shit and blast all the windows.
11. Cover their bars of soap in nail polish and then let them dry. They will shit bricks trying to get the soap to lather the next day.
12. Put hair removal cream in their shampoo bottles.
13. If there’s a hallway with doors on opposite sides, tie the doorknobs together with wire.
14. Make up some legit looking paperwork from some bullshit law firm and “serve” a rape or paternity lawsuit to the president during dinner.
15. Sign the house up for Play Girl, the Democratic Party, and PETA subscriptions.
16. Put dead fish in all their hubcaps. They will tear their cars apart and never think to check in the hub caps.
17. Purchase thousands of crickets. Release them.
18. Acquire hundreds of bats. Release them.
19. Put a cinder block in the dryer. Turn it on. Run.
20. Put super glue on the toilet seats.
21. Lacquer homosexual pornography all over the walls.
22. Download a virus onto a USB drive. Upload it to every computer you can find.
23. Clean your colon with their toothbrushes.
24. Draw a huge penis in the front lawn with weed killer.
25. Unplug the refrigerator, put a hornet’s nest inside, and superglue the door shut.
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