Fraternity men are known for several things, including, but not limited to, pulling the hottest girls on campus, having an alcohol tolerance that scares their relatives, and doing it all while still making their 8am tee time. Maybe the biggest thing we’re known for, though, is throwing the best parties on campus. Whether it’s the typical ABC party, the standard 8 kegger, or something a little more extravagant, we tend to spend our weekend with copious amounts of alcohol and women. Above all the rest, there are three parties that should, in my opinion, be staples for anyone’s college experience.
Fifth and Cuffs
Ah, the fifth and cuffs. The funniest shit show you’ll ever see. I thought this was something that everyone knew about, but I found out after visiting my friend at another school that apparently I was wrong. The name is pretty self explanatory, but I’ll break it down for the less experienced out there:
Step 1 – Get a partner.
Step 2 – Get a fifth of liquor (that’s the 750ml bottle) of whatever you fancy. I’m a fan of Admiral Nelson, because for $9/fifth you’re not going to get any better. To the GDIs out there trying to replicate this at your house party, don’t waste money on top shelf liquor because you’ll probably be puking it up at the end.
Step 3 – Get whatever mixers you need and arrive at the frat castle with aforementioned partner.
Step 4 – When you arrive you’ll be handcuffed to your date at the door.
Step 5 – Bottoms up.
Now you’re cuffed to some hot sorority girl with a bottle of liquor in one hand and a shot glass in the other. You’ll stay that way all night until 17.5 shots later when you finally finish your fifth. I could go on to write a dissertation’s worth of stories from Fifth and Cuffs parties I’ve been to, but I’ll spare you this time. If you’re doing it right, this will be one of the best nights of your college career. Just make sure you don’t pick a lightweight as your partner.
I don’t mean the dark-room-with-one-strobe-light-in-the-corner “party” that I’ve seen way too many people try to pass off as a rave. I’m talking about a real rave. Blacked out fraternity house, strobe lights and black lights in every room, live DJ spinning music that will make your face melt (or maybe that’s the Molly you popped an hour ago). Throw in sorority girls that are a few beers too deep and dancing with any brother she can get her hands on while throwing paint on anything that’s not already the color of the rainbow. To top it all off, there’s that simultaneous look of pleasure and horror on the pledges’ faces as they dance with girls they dreamt of in high school, while soberly realizing they have to clean all of this up tomorrow at 6am.
This is a party that almost everyone in Greek life experiences at least twice a year. It’s a standard mixer theme, and by God if it isn’t glorious. For the cinematically inept, Risky Business is the 1983 American teen comedy-drama film starring Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay, most famous for the scene where good ol’ Tommy boy slides across the floor in his white oxford and socks celebrating having the house to himself while his parents are on vacation. American girls decided to take that one scene and start using it as an outfit and we fraternity men just added the alcohol. Tack on some beer pong, beer ball, music, dancing and a few campus police noise violations, and you’ve got yourself a party.
There’s really nothing special about a Risky Business mixer, besides the fact that no one’s wearing any pants. Then again, isn’t that special enough? Be prepared to lose a few of your white button downs to slams claiming them as trophies. The best part about a Risky Business party is the fact that they come already dressed to make you breakfast in the morning.