30 Things I Learned My First Semester Of College
1. Adderall is essential in accomplishing anything.
2. Making out does not constitute a relationship…
3. …and neither does any other type of hooking up.
4. It’s completely acceptable to play flip cup with a mixed drink.
5. Pre-game the pre-game, or be lame.
6. If you actually dress up for class, you’re tacky and everyone hates you.
7. You can retake a class, but you can never relive a social.
8. It is NOT high maintenance to demand a t-shirt after shacking post themed-social or date night.
9. College truly is where you find your bridesmaids.
10. The frat house is where you find your next date, not your next boyfriend.
11. Emotions are stupid.
12. Going to class drunk is better than going to class with a hangover.
13. If your hair looks good, you drink for free.
14. Tuesdays are the new Fridays.
15. When you drink this often, the freshman fifteen is a reality, so you better hit the gym.
16. That being said, the bars DO mix drinks made with Crystal Light.
17. Win or loose, you should still booze.
18. Cowboy boots and Norts do not make an outfit.
19. You’re a size small. However, your t-shirt should not be.
20. Rubbing alcohol: your favorite shoes’ only weapon against bar tar.
21. The shooter bottle is your best friend on your birthday. Your sister with the camera is not.
22. Do not hook up with the bartenders at your favorite bar. Friends give free shots, bitter ex-hookups do not.
23. When hooking up with an older brother, his pledges are your pledges.
24. All it takes is a simple meeting with your TA while wearing one coat of mascara to make that missing grade disappear.
25. Teasing your hair most definitely counts as your arm workout for the day.
26. Finishing a fifth at a fraternity function is a greater life skill than writing perfect papers.
27. Boys will be annoyed when you tell them you don’t like beer.
28. All will be forgiven when they find out you like whiskey.
29. There’s “sober you” and “blackout you.” They are two completely different people, and “sober you” should not be held accountable for what “blackout you” does.
30. If you ball too hard, standards will want to fine you.