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30 Things I Learned While Pledging

1. Hearing the same song over and over again is the best way to drive someone insane.

2. Being cocky will get you some places in life, but it will never make you a Brother.

3. I’ll never be able to comfortably wear a white t-shirt and khaki shorts again, repressed memories.

4. Your pledge brothers have your back for life.

5. A little apple juice and cinnamon will tame even the cheapest of vodkas.

6. The number one rule at all-nude strip clubs? “Don’t touch the cookie.”

7. Average looking sorority girls usually have hot friends.

8. The more ridiculous your social outfit, the more likely a gal’s going to rip it off of you later in the night.

9. If your National Exam has the bonus question “What’s your least favorite food?” don’t answer it, because that’s all you’re going to be eating come Hell Week.

10. No matter how well you think you know the Greek Alphabet, you’re probably going to fuck it up when a gargantuan bourbon-chugging 7th year is yelling at you.

11. Avoiding work at the house will only bite you in the ass later.

12. If you’re the only pledge with a truck, you’re going to have to do twice as much work.

13. C’s get degrees.

14. 75% of Fake ID success depends on how confidently you hand it to the bouncer.

15. “All You Can Drink” is a suggestion, not a challenge.

16. Designated driving shifts can range anywhere from “entertaining” to “that was the worst night of my life.”

17. Even when you think you know what’s going on, you really have no idea.

18. You can never meet too many Freshman girls.

19. RA’s don’t appreciate the amount of beer you can store in your mini-fridge the same way you do.

20. Getting rushed is awesome, being the rusher sucks sweaty donkey balls.

21. Ten minutes early is on-time. On-time is late.

22. Even when we thought we were right, we were wrong.

23. The duties for Pledge Class Sergeant at Arms are very limited.

24. Cockblocking a brother has horrific consequences.

25. If you pass out with your shoes on and only wake up with marker on your face consider yourself lucky.

26. Throw up in someone’s room and you’re guaranteed to have to clean it for the rest of your pledgeship.

27. The first and last words out of your mouth should always be “Sir.”

28. The less sleep you’re getting, the closer you are to finishing.

29. If you get a good pledge nickname, prepared to be called that the rest of your life.

30. Initiation night is guaranteed to be one of the best of your life.

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StuffFratPeopleLike

StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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