5 Facts That Make Me Not Frat

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It’s confession time. Our remote writers put together their NF Confessions list yesterday, and now it’s my turn. I need to get this stuff off my chest, so bear with me while I let out some much-needed, therapeutic truth about myself. See, I like to wear this facade around, but the truth is, I’m probably a lot like you. Hell, there’s a decent chance you’re more F than I am. Below are five very true things about me that make me NF.

1. I don’t own a pair of Sperrys.

Actually, I have never owned or worn a pair of Sperrys in my life. The truth is, I think they’re cheaply made and generic, basic loafer knockoffs. I do, however, own a pair of loafers. The brand is Bruno Magli, and they’re much nicer than Sperrys. Very sharp. I actually picked them up in Rome. Now sure, they cost about five times more than your standard Sperry frat cruisers, but they should last me forever as long as I take care of them. I get compliments on them all the time.

2. I like to drink vodka sodas at the club.

Country club* that is. Have you ever played 18 holes at the beautiful Austin Country Club in the middle of the brutal, Texas summer heat? “But Rodge, doesn’t that course sit alongside Lake Austin? That cold water has got to help you stay cool out there, right?” Yeah, it’s on the water, but it’s still hot as fuck. I promise you. After my round is over and I head back to the clubhouse to kick back in the plush, leather chairs to review my scorecard and cool down, there are only a few drinks capable of bringing my core temp down and quenching that kind of thirst, and only one of them has alcohol in it: the vodka soda.

3. I didn’t hit the bars on my 21st birthday.

It’s every college student’s rite of passage to get roaring drunk at the bars on the night of his or her 21st birthday. We all do it. It’s THE milestone birthday. I didn’t, though. I didn’t even stay in town on my 21st. Why? Because I turned 21 inside a Vegas casino. Funny story, actually: I technically turned 21 twice. I was on a plane in the central time zone when midnight struck. We kept traveling west, though, eventually touching down in Las Vegas (Pacific Standard Time) at around 11:10. Forty minutes later, I was standing on the casino floor inside the Venetian waiting for my second 21st birthday. I didn’t even go to the bars that night. So NF.

4. I don’t own a boat.

But that’s only because my family owns one and they live on the lake. They have their own boat slip and everything. I can’t even begin to tell you how convenient it is. All I have to do is drive to their house about 10 minutes away, load the cooler, drop her into the water, and we’re off. So, you know, it would obviously be silly for me to drop 30 grand on my own boat when there is a perfectly good (and very nice) ski boat available to me whenever I need it. It just doesn’t make financial sense.

5. I love to bird hunt, but I’ve never cleaned a bird before.

It’s not that I’m totally opposed to decapitating, gutting, and pulling the breast meat out of a freshly killed dove (blood does make me a bit queasy, however), but I just don’t have to. You see, my family owns a hunting lodge just south of the Texas border. Drug cartels currently loom in the area, so we haven’t been down there in some time, but the dove are plentiful. Killing 500 white-winged dove among our group in one weekend was not out of the question. We employed a few locals, playfully referred to as “bird boys,” who would fetch and clean all the birds for us.

I’m NF.

Inspired by the NF Confessions thread in our forum.

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