1. Sometimes we go to the bar to hit on girls. Most of the time we go to the bars to drink until we can’t feel our thumbs. Learn to tell the difference.
2. We don’t understand why there are still girls in college not embracing the wonders of modern birth control technology.
3. We think Instagram is retarded. An old-timey sepia filter doesn’t make you any more attractive.
4. We don’t REALLY think you belong in the kitchen all the time…the bedroom is perfectly acceptable as well.
5. We have no idea what you talk about when we aren’t around.
6. A good social outfit can turn a 6 into an 8.
7. Your idea of a “pregame” is totally different from ours.
8. Politics are something we never want to talk to you about.
9. We hate that awkward “Say hi to your ex” moment just as much as you do.
10. Even the slightest bit of leg-hair stubble is a huge turn off.
11. Wearing a push-up bra is like telling a horrible lie to every guy you see that night.
12. If you absolutely have to vomit at a party, please don’t choose to do so on an Xbox.
13. As a matter of fact, we would love to meet your little. Just don’t be surprised if we spend the rest of the night talking to her.
14. “Anything Goes but Clothes” themes might as well be called “Awesomely Slutty Ways to Use Duct Tape Parties.”
15. If you have a boyfriend, tell us. Chances are it won’t stop us from hitting on you, but we like to know what we’re up against.
16. Don’t wake us up the morning after unless you’re trying to initiate round 2.
17. “Wanna come over and watch a movie?” means “Wanna come watch the opening credits of a shitty Netflix movie before we bang?”
18. We wish it was as easy for us to get into bars underage as it is for you.
19. If you’ve got a great ass, wear the tightest dress you can find. If you have a great rack, let those puppies breathe. Flaunt what you’ve got, believe me we will notice.
20. We’re great multi-taskers. That’s why we love shower sex so much.
21. We only spend about five seconds determining how to respond to a text message. There is no need to spend an hour over analyzing it.
22. We can barely tell when you get a haircut.
23. Ever wonder why we wear 6” inseam shorts? Easier access for you.
24. We’re not in 10th grade anymore. Spitting is not a viable option.
25. We don’t care about your Great Grandma’s pearl necklace, but we can give you one of our own if you’d like.
26. If you send us a “;)” in a text message, we know that it’s on.
27. If we could play with a large pair of breasts all day every day for the rest of our lives, we would.
28. If you love your sisters so much, a threesome shouldn’t be out of the question, right?
29. When you make out with another girl, it makes you look like an attention whore. A really tempting, sexy, desirable attention whore. You won’t hear us complain.
30. We don’t think that the phrase “I don’t know how to cook” should be in your vocabulary.
31. Don’t put glitter on our function coolers, because it will take us 8 months to get it out of our rooms.
32. Being on the fraternity executive board is a lot more fun that the sorority version.
33. Sometimes we like to just sit around, be assholes, and play Madden for a few hours.
34. Night of drinking + Amphetamine Abuse + Condom + Sex= Zero percent chance of climax.
35. We don’t really think about sex every hour of the day. Sometimes we’re just hungry.
36. We’re terrible study buddies. We get distracted very easily, and will probably just try to flirt with you the whole time.
37. If you aren’t sure what to get us as a gift, just get a bikini wax. Everyone wins.
38. A girl who can drink with the guys is awesome. A girl who can drink like a guy is a keeper.
39. We hate dancing, but love getting grinded on. The ultimate Catch-22 of the fraternity world.
40. Sometimes when we get drunk, we just really want to fight things.
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