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43-Year-Old Virgin Gets In Car Crash Days Before He Was Set To Lose Virginity To Hooker, Must Wait Even Longer Now

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One week ago, we brought you the story of Mohammed Abad, the British man who was fitted with an 8-inch bionic dong and was all set to lose his virginity to a prostitute. Science, man. Changing people’s lives every day. Same thing with prostitutes.

If you didn’t think Abad’s life could get any more depressing, he now has to wait even longer to lose his virginity after being involved in a car crash.

From Metro:

According to the Scottish Sun, Abad was rushed to hospital after riding as a passenger in a BMW that collided with another car.

He was treated for a broken ankle, two deep head wounds and concussion.

However, it’s just a temporary delay.

‘I have waited long enough, so another couple of weeks won’t make much difference,’ Abad said.

I beg to disagree, Mohammed. Before, you used to have an excuse for not having sex — you didn’t have anything with which to have it. Understandable. That’s not the case now, though. Time is of the essence. The longer you remain a virgin by fault of your own, the more lame you become. I’d recommend playing the numbers game by hitting on all the nurses and orderlies and trying to get lucky. It’s your best shot.

If I’m Mohammed pre-car crash, I’m not getting myself anywhere remotely close to danger. I’m holed up in my bedroom practicing the wang tango in an attempt to minimize the embarrassment I’m sure to feel on my big night. Mohammed can’t change the past, though. He can only look ahead to the future, and down at his massive 8-inch meat rocket.

Good luck, my man.

[via Metro]

Image via Good Morning Britain

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Total Frat Move and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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