5 Reasons Why Snow Days Are The Best Days

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In all honesty, I’m not that big a fan of cold weather. I know it has its advantages, but it also means girls are wearing more clothing, being outside isn’t all that practical, and it’s hard to pass out on the porch without risking hypothermia. Regardless, winter does have one clear advantage: snow days. While they’re a rare occurrence for some of us, they are always a welcome surprise, and here’s why.

1. No Class

This one seems obvious, but that’s only because it is. I don’t care how smart you are or how much you love your major; classes are boring and an overall pain in the ass. There are about ten to fifteen billion other things I’d rather be doing than sitting in a lecture about environmental regulator policy. You don’t have to worry about waking up early, you won’t have to deal with those dickbag liberal kids that are in every single class for some reason, and you won’t need to hear the rantings of your borderline communist professors. It’s clearly a good deal.

2. It’s Just Another Excuse To Drink

Look, I think we can all be adults here and agree that the majority of our activities revolve around the consumption of alcohol. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a free country, after all. But when it snows, there’s all the more reason to drink. There’s no class, it’s cold as fuck out, and what else are you going to do? Plus, you don’t have to worry about keeping your beer cold. Just cover a keg in snow or make an igloo for a couple cases of beer. A little ingenuity goes a long way. It worked for the Eskimos.

3. Girls Love Snow

I’m not going to pretend I’m some sort of expert on women. I’m sure as shit not an expert on how and why they think the way they do. But for whatever reason, chicks just love the snow. It’s science. You can look it up in most books, regardless of their subject. The opportunity presented by a snowfall is one that you can’t afford to lose. You can throw together a party with little to no effort, get some booze, and say it’s a “Winter Wonderland” theme. Girls will buy it.

4. The Possibilities For Activities Are Endless

While you’re obviously going to be getting shitfaced, there are a bunch of activities in which you can partake during a snow day. Sure, a little old-fashioned football on the quad is just dandy, but there are better things to do than that. For one thing, it’s perfect weather for an ice luge. I mean, seriously, it’s not going to melt. Just poor some Rumpleminz down there and let the good times roll. Of course, there’s always the classic snowball fight. Aside from being an American tradition, snowball fights are fucking enthralling, especially when, of course, you’re drunk. Whether your target is some geeds walking past your house to play Quad Quidditch or whatever they’re doing these days, or your rival fraternity across the street, a good bombardment of snowballs is an ideal way to get rid of some stress and establish dominance on a snow day.

5. You Have Pledges

The reasons we’re better than our independent counterparts are obviously endless, but having pledges is clearly one of the biggest advantages to being in a fraternity. When it’s cold and snowy outside, there’s no reason to have to go around the corner for a pack of cigarettes or a case of beer. Just send one of those dickhead new boys to get whatever you need. It’s their job. It’s their duty. Too much snow to get out of your driveway? There’s a pledge for that. Don’t have any shovels? Don’t worry. They’ll figure it out. They’re pledges. They don’t really have any other choice.

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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