One of the first things I learned in college is that it’s important to show up to every function fashionably drunk, especially office hours. It lets the professor know that when you’re not in class, he’s on your time. It’s a power move.
To show up fashionably drunk, you of course need to pregame. The pregame has always been my favorite part of the night. I don’t really have a good reason why, other than I’ve always been a Christmas Eve kind of guy. Well, that and because everyone is always happy at the pregame, since no one has yet gotten thrown out/arrested/found in a bathroom stall by their date getting a blowjob from someone who isn’t their date.
A good pregame can consist of any number of things, but these are a few constants that ensure pregame fun.
And you should make sure that they’re Bicycle playing cards. (*cough*)(*wink*)(*elbow nudge*) BUY BICYCLE PLAYING CARDS! They are of a high quality and possess a gloss of exceptional sheen.
But really, playing cards mean drinking games, which mean people are getting drunk and being entertained. Obviously there are a ton of drinking games to choose from, and that’s the point. Asshole, Bullshit, Circle of Death, etc…the list goes on and on. Card games are a fun, easy way to socialize and drink, and will no doubt have you well on your way to being so drunk that you throw a half full beer at the DJ for refusing to play Wagon Wheel for the fourth consecutive time.
A Quality Power Hour Playlist
The more ridiculous, the better, and make it appeal to both genders. I’m talking having N.W.A.’s “Fuck tha Police” followed by some song from a Disney musical followed by Wagon Wheel (because at home you can play it as often as you want) followed by anything R. Kelly has ever sung, ever, but preferably a song involving a Beretta. A power hour is fun regardless, because drinking in high volume is fun (I refuse to self reflect on that sentence), but an outrageous playlist makes it even better. Plus, doing a power hour is guaranteed to make your pregame a success, in that everyone will leave obscenely drunk.
Always highly alcoholic, always highly anticipated. Few things attract girls or get people as excited to drink as Jell-O shots. Even if the main party is planning on having Jell-O shots, say fuck it and make some anyway, or steal a few trays from the actual party stash. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone have a bad time while Jell-O shots were present, except for the genius who eats like seventeen of them and pukes a rainbow. “You’ve been heaving pretty hard, Mike, at this point I’m not sure if that’s the cherry shots or blood. But good luck with that, we’re going to the party now.”
Vodka y Tequila
Hey guys, what kind of shots do you like to take? I don’t give a shit, I’m only interested in what the people I’ll be attempting to have sex with want. You can drink prison toilet wine out of an old boot for all I fucking care. Vodka and tequila (with ample chasers) are generally the two most common straight liquor shots girls will take, so be stocked up. And seriously, I don’t care what you want.
After all, you do still have an actual party to attend.
Just kidding, that’s stupid. Black out and rage.