50 Things Sorority Girls Should Know About Fraternity Guys
1. We don’t like your Lilly Pulitzer, we tolerate it.
2. We don’t want to hear about your period. At all.
3. There are very few things you can do that are better than a morning blowjob.
4. If you’re giving us head, for the love of God don’t remind us of the fact that you have teeth.
5. You might think that screaming at the top of your lungs during sex is a turn on, it isn’t.
6. We hate your 21st birthdays.
7. If you don’t like beer, pretend to when you’re around us.
8. If we’re playing pong, at least try to hit the cup when you shoot.
9. If you order whiskey at the bar, we are instantly going to be more attracted to you.
10. Oh, you turned a song lyric into the title of your Facebook album? How original.
11. Never say the word “mupload” in casual conversation.
12. Or “YOLO.”
13. Or “Totes.”
14. We might not remember your name after the first time meeting you. Or second, or third. Sorry, we drink a lot.
15. Don’t ask about pledge secrets, because we’re not going to tell you.
16. You know that sketchy locked door in the fraternity house that you’ve never opened? Don’t ask about it.
17. You can never underestimate the value of Reverse Cowgirl.
18. If we offer to buy you a drink, don’t make us look like assholes by asking for a “Dirty Shirley.”
19. Sure, we’d love to throw you a birthday party at the frat castle, just make sure you bring all of your (hot) sisters.
20. Baking for us “just because” is a great way to stay on our good side.
21. Just because it drizzled last Tuesday doesn’t mean you should wear those hideous rain boots.
22. Don’t make shitty philanthropy shirts, I promise you we won’t wear them.
23. Showing up at the house with bagels, cream cheese, and grain alcohol is the best way to get an early morning event started on the right foot.
24. If you’re under 21, GET A FAKE ID. If you’re pretty enough it doesn’t matter if the picture is of a 200lb black woman, you’ll still get in.
25. If you “borrow” one of our favorite frocket tees, then you better believe we’re going to get it back.
26. If we hooked up before and you’re going to be awkward about it, don’t bother talking to us at all.
27. If we’re watching a sporting event, at least pretend you’re interested and know what’s going on.
28. We don’t trust you with our iPod’s at parties, mostly because we know “Call Me Maybe” exists.
29. We’re not going to do your sorority gang sign in every picture we take together, stop asking.
30. Ask us on a function. If you’re any fun there’s a good chance you’ll get asked back.
31. If you’ve hooked up with multiple brothers, we already know about it. If we’re still talking to you, then we clearly don’t mind.
32. There’s a stripper pole upstairs for a reason, if you want to use it you won’t hear any complaints from us.
33. If you’re a telecommunication major, don’t complain about how hard your schedule is.
34. The Freshman 15 can easily become the Sophomore 25, don’t let it.
35. We don’t want to hear how much fun you had at a rival fraternity party.
36. Mean Girls is a funny movie. Hearing you quote it endlessly ruins it.
37. We don’t understand your fascination with monograms.
38. Yes, we can get you a pledge ride, but don’t start acting like you’re entitled to one whenever you want. They’re our pledges, not yours.
39. Don’t sneak pledges food during Hell Week. Don’t worry, we promise we’ll feed them…eventually.
40. If you order more than us during a late night drunken Taco Bell run, we’re going to be a little concerned.
41. If you know all the words to Justin Bieber’s songs, please keep it to yourself.
42. We don’t want to go see the new Nicholas Sparks movie with you because we know you’ll be a crying hormonal mess afterwards. Also because Nicholas Sparks sucks epic ass.
43. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaving SportsCenter on in the background during sex.
44. The key to a fraternity man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook dinner for us and “number one slampiece” status awaits.
45. If you’ve already sucked one dick that night, please don’t try to hook up with another one of us. I’ve seen it happen, nobody likes a snowballer.
46. Don’t underestimate the value of a well-painted function cooler.
47. If you’re sober at one of our parties for longer than 30 minutes, you’re doing it wrong.
48. If your mom is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to hit on her. Don’t worry, she’ll love it.
49. If your little sister is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to hit on her too. Don’t worry, she’ll love it.
50. If your dad is in town for Family Weekend, we’re probably going to avoid you. Don’t worry, he’ll love it.