50 Ways To Stay Frat This Summer

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1. Float trip.

2. Make your little brother your own personal pledge.

3. Get kicked out of a hometown bar by a former high school classmate.

4. Road trip to a city you’ve never been, drink to excess, make that city wish you never came.

5. Catch up on old Clint Eastwood and John Wayne movies.

6. Never have the knees covered.

7. It’s okay to slam hot hometown girls, even if they are GDI.

8. Never have the cooler out of reach.

9. Day drink often, summer classes aren’t an excuse to not day drink.

10. Lower your handicap.

11. Lower your standards. We all have to make sacrifices over the summer.

12. Post tons of pics from the 4th of July on people’s Facebook walls that are studying abroad.

13. If you’re studying abroad, celebrate the 4th of July to extreme excess. Asserting American dominance overseas is crucial.

14. Wear a shirt as little as possible.

15. Show up for the internship drunk, just like you do for class.

16. Get rung up at the liquor store by a former high school classmate. Act like you have no idea who they are.

17. Teach the frathound a new trick or two.

18. Enjoy a few beers with the old man. He deserves it.

19. Heckle the shit out of your least favorite baseball player.

20. Buy booze for the future fratstars of the neighborhood. But only the ones you would give a bid to.

21. Stock up on the fratwear.

22. Keep up with politics. We got a hell of an election coming up.

23. Scope out potential slams at the little sibling’s High School graduation.

24. College night at the ballpark. Tailgate like it’s a football Saturday.

25. Play around in the stock market if you haven’t already. It’s a buyer’s market.

26. Make an agreement with your hometown taxi company to start billing you.

27. Try a new beer every day.

28. Spend the night at the country club.

29. Refer to the cart cleaner as pledge.

30. Summer = Seersucker

31. Casual sex with the ex.

32. Grill everything.

33. Pregame for the 4th of July.

34. Recover from the 4th of July.

35. Lake Time.

36. Beer League Softball.

37. See if there are any new slams at your dad’s office.

38. Make sure your mom is teaching your little sister to cook.

39. For the sake of nostalgia, try to sneak a random slam up to the room without the parents finding out. If they do, oh well.

40. Don’t play any fucking video games unless it’s N64 or earlier.

41. Make sure everybody at the hometown bar knows you’re in a fraternity, even if they’ve never met you.

42. Get hammered at a high school baseball game.

43. Still in your college town = still in college. Lucky you.

44. Plan the football away game trips.

45. It’s okay to drink just because you’re bored.

46. Dream up new creative hazing techniques for the next Hell Week.

47. Spend no more than one day in depression over the fact that you are one year closer to graduating.

48. Have a couple casual beers on a patio for lunch. Don’t leave ’til the AM.

49. Convince a pledge to come sober drive you from a different zip code.

50. Kick off the summer the right way, go to TFM’s Day Rage. Tickets here.

(Huge thanks to my Twitter followers for helping me out with a few of these).

Follow me on Twitter @MizzouFratboy

Check out all the clever and shitty suggestions I received at #waystostayfrattythissummer



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  1. -1
    Tallapoosa Snu

    #25… probably not a fantastic idea… sell in May and go away, there’s gonna be a lull for about 6-8 weeks… probably a better idea to nab some capital, spend it at the beach, and go back to life in July, if you’re gonna lose money it might as well be on whiskey and waverunners

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • 0
      Tallapoosa Snu

      I’m jumpin out for a while, and you’re right, stay far away from oil for at least another couple months, the drop in prices isnt increased demand, its a political move whos bottom is going to drop out, I disagree about the recommendations though. Automotive shouldnt peak until early fall, energy will be rocked by the election in November unless you want a heart attack, and I’m staying far away from tech until the end of the year. Metal commodities are the only ones with a strong upside this quarter. Platinum and Palladium are about to be a huge deal, and Natural gas is gonna explode at the end of the year. But I’m gonna get pussy on a jet ski, drink good scotch, and maybe put some money in my properties instead of trusting the market for the next couple of months, and even if I’m wrong, I got a jet ski out of it.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • -2
      Tallapoosa Snu

      Playing stocks when you know what you’re doing is fun and almost a hobby, and if you’re good at it you dont have to have a job like a fuckin geed. I can essentially live of my dividends while you keep asking mommy for money, and it’s a whole hell of a lot more than you make at a minimum wage job if you know what you’re doing. I usually get a 20% gain a year on a portfolio thats hovering around 50k right now, you do the math. It’s a nice padding to stay out and stay raging, and knowing good financial sense before you’re out of college is a lot more valuable than sitting around smoking and playing video games. So yeah, I’m pretty happy with spending some free time trading.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • -3

      ^^^ We take all of July off… worst time of the trading year next to the end of December and beginning of January.

      PS: Equities are for pussies.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • -6

      ^ This guy seems to be on to something. I however have three different proposals. First, there won’t be a lull if you watch the correct stocks, automotive, energy, and technology will do very well. It’s a good thing to stay away from oil right now. Therefore, I suggest that you keep stock in those, yet continue to go the lake and drink whiskey and fuck bitches (of only the highest quality) on your jetski. My other two points are not really worth sharing, so I won’t post those right now unless someone requests them.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago

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