6-Year-Old Child Eats Adderall Found In Easter Egg

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Members of the Christ the King Catholic Church were shocked to learn that one of the colorful plastic eggs hidden for an Easter egg hunt contained Adderall. The Adderall belonged to Jarret Anthony Helm, a 21-year-old volunteer. Jarret sounds like a real winner — he does community service, volunteers to work with kids, and doesn’t have the common sense to put his medication in a labeled container. Real bright guy. He’s going places…in this case, the county jail.

The 6-year-old child who found the egg ate the medication it contained. Considering he’s six, I won’t blame him, but damn, he found the one egg out of 1,500 that contained a controlled substance? This kid is good. Just imagine: you’re a 6-year-old kid and you find a pill inside an Easter egg. You probably think to yourself: “A Mike and Ike. What is this shit?” Thankfully, the child did not suffer any “adverse effects.” I bet he was a hell of a lot more dedicated to finding Easter eggs, though. I could easily see him finding 700 out of those 1,500, and that’s a conservative guess.

Personally, I’m a little upset. Back when I was a kid, Easter was all bunnies, chocolate, and Jesus. Now kids are popping Addy? Their classes aren’t even hard. They don’t know how good they’ve got it.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Colleton Habitat

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BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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