I’m a beer guy. Drinking it, cooking with it, the occasional beer shower/shower beer, and when the situation calls, mixing it. Some purists consider the beer cocktail a slap in the face of decency, but this isn’t for them. This is for those of you adventurous types who aren’t above sneaking the pickle in the stink hole and aren’t afraid to throw another couch on an already raging fire. Some of these are a one-way ticket to Face-Down-Town, population you. Others are a refreshing way to enjoy a brew on the porch. Maybe both. I don’t know your life. Enjoy.
Spiced rum, light beer, and a lime wedge. This one’s great for the dog days of summer and is a nice mix up from your typical boring rum and Coke. The rum gives it a really nice kick, and light beer is recommended for optimal smoothness. Lime is always a good look when rum’s involved, as well. Some folks call for ice in theirs, but if your beer is cold enough it’s better to just take it neat. Best enjoyed out of a big metal tumbler to make sure it stays cool.
Champagne and a Guinness. This drink is ideal for a night by the fire or among highbrow company. If you’re bartending at home, put the champagne in first with the stout on top. The liquid density keeps them mostly separated and that little bit of champagne after a nice beefy stout tastes like heaven. Drink it in a pint glass or, if you’re a class act, out of a champagne flute.
Corona-ritas are a staple of every Cinco de Mayo, but this drink is a step up in both flavor and potency. It also doesn’t require one of those stupid little clip things. Just drop a Shiner Bock in a frozen margarita and buckle up. The beauty of the Bock is it’s very sweet for a dark beer and keeps a beautiful head. Lighter brews are easily overpowered by the citrus in a margarita, but with this beer you still get all that malty goodness. Pair it with some chips and salsa if you’re spending some down time on the deck or mix up a pitcher to kick off a day party in style. Anyone who has capped off a fishbowl with a couple beers can assure you the mix is potent, so if you want to binge these, prepare yourself to send some questionable texts around 2 a.m. If that’s an issue, just man up and destroy your phone.
Mexican Car Bomb
Everyone knows your classic Irish Car Bomb is creamy and soaked in enough whisky to make Hemingway shiver. The Mexican variety flips that idea south of the border by subbing tequila for Jameson and Rumchata for Bailey’s. A dark Mexican beer like Negra Modelo or Tecate is a must. As the name implies, these fellas are powerful. If you or a buddy has a penchant for popping after a shot make sure there are no bystanders in the blast radius. Two or three are guaranteed to result in killer dance moves.
OJ, Blue Moon, and Amaretto. This is a holiday staple right along with egg nog and disappointing your girlfriend’s parents. Blue Moon seems to get a bad reputation in the beer drinking community but it’s one of the best cocktail beers on the market. Orange juice pairs naturally with the coriander and peel used to flavor witbiers, and the almond flavor of Amaretto complements them nicely. Split a rack of these with a date at your next ugly sweater party and you’ll be splitting a different rack later.
A masculine variation of every white girl’s favorite brunch beverage, the Manmosa adds a Belgian White to the classic mix. No more will your bros mock you for having a couple ‘mosas with your breakfast burrito. Simply turn to them and clarify that this is a MANmosa, and watch as their balls metaphorically retreat in terror. Let them have their Irish Coffee, you’re a damn man and you mix beer.
The iconic beer cocktail. As long as good American whiskey has been chased with crappy beer, man has wondered how to properly combine the two in a potable mixture that is both deserving and delicious. The recipe is simple: pour a shot of bourbon or rye, and drop it in a half glass of whatever beer you want. The beauty of the Boilermaker is its versatility. While most of these recipes call for a specific type or brand of malt beverage, this particular concoction works just as well with a can of Busch or a nice Sweetwater. My personal favorite is to drop some Evan in a Dogfish Head Imperial and physically feel the stress of existence melt away. The invincibility of whiskey combined with the “I’m just here to party” mentality of beer will make you Badass McGee in no time.
After you’ve imbibed a few too many of the above beverages, chances are you’re going to wake up with a headache strong enough to fell Hercules. Everyone has their own hangover remedies, but the aptly named Recovery is their Commander-in-Chief. Fill a glass with half beer and half lime Gatorade. Pair it with a nice Aspirin and some Bojangles or Chik-fil-a. Spend the remainder of the drink hating your existence and regretting every decision you’ve ever made. Pour another and dispel those dark thoughts. Text your ex.
If you have any of your own recipes be sure to share them in the comments. And, as always, don’t drink and drive..