8 Best Foods To Eat After Extorting Your University With A Hunger Strike

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So you’ve successfully extorted your university with a hunger strike that sparked national attention and ultimately led to the demise of a public figure in an attempt to cure racism once and for all? Bravo! Time to pig out on some fan favorites.

But now the bigger question arises: What would you eat as your first meal after a hunger strike, Mr. or Mrs. Hero? Here are eight of the BEST foods to eat after starving yourself for the greater good.

8. Lasagna

Mmm. Who doesn’t love a nice helping of lasagna? You know I sure do! Lasagna, just the way momma made it, is one of the best options out there after a week of hard fought social justice. Now the question is, ground beef meat sauce or sausage? Tough choice. All lasagna is just so damn good. Make sure to pick up the family style size.

7. Tacos

Ground beef? Chicken? Pulled pork? Breakfast? One of each, please. I can’t think of anything I’d like more after a long day fighting institutional racism than a delicious taco. Make sure you go with flour tortillas. Corn is for simpletons.

6. Pancakes

Some will say breakfast is an inferior meal, and to them I say: “Get away from me or I will starve myself to death.” Pancakes, albeit delicious, are also great for you, too — according to a study that doesn’t exist. Pour some Aunt Jemima (inclusion) on those freedom pancakes and have at it, my man. You earned it.

5. Wings

It might not be gameday, but after a week of not eating, I could ABSOLUTELY crush a dozen wings. Maybe even two dozen. Probably going to have to go with mild flavor, because my system would be unable to handle the hot stuff.

4. Ribs

Piggin’ out on ribs is a good ol’ American past-time. Make sure to double up and get two racks — at least. But let’s be honest, you could probably crush three. A side of crinkle fries and an ice cold Coke™? Now that, my friends, is something we can ALL agree is delicious.

3. Spaghetti

Ah! Mamma Mia! Can somebody say CARBO load?? Even Gandhi probably considered a nice plate of ‘spaghetti-uh and-uh meatball-uhs’ *cups fingers and shakes them in the air* after his successful hunger strike in the mid 20th century. Mmmmm, don’t forget the parmesan!

2. Cheeseburger

Make it a double, no, a triple! Cheese-lettuce-onions-pickles-tomatoes-on-a-sesame-seed-bun! I’ll take a half-dozen, good sir. Put it on the university’s tab! I heard they serve dollar burgers at ‘Big 12.’ Probably need to change that name to ‘SEC,’ huh?

1. Pizza

How could pizza not be number one? I know if I just changed history for the better, I’d call up Papa John himself and have 10, no…20, pepperoni pizzas delivered to my front door right away. Best thing about pizza is having a nice helping of leftover pizza for the next several meals! But after seven grueling days of sticking it to the man, I doubt there would be much left when all is said and done.

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