The Frat “Choose Your Own Adventure” Story
Introduction
You’re not sure how it happened, but your chapter’s New Orleans Formal is just a few days away, and all of your date options have literally blown up in your face. Rebecca has a test on a Monday, Jill has her sorority Mom-Daughter weekend that she can’t skip. Even Sara, your “at-least-I’ll-get-laid” last resort has plans.
It’s a desperate time, but all hope is not lost. Your fraternity brothers have heard of your plight, and have offered to help set you up. You’re not really a fan of blind dates, but then again who the fuck really is? Sure, you can Facebook stalk the shit out of someone so that their mangled face or breathtaking hotness aren’t complete surprises, but other subtle character traits, like insanity, tend to be harder to recognize over the internet.
Your brothers have presented you with two options:
First, there’s the Top Tier Girl. She is gorgeous, and more importantly full-breasted, but you don’t know what this girl’s sexual attitude is quite like. Sure, her sorority is known for being a little snobby, and sometimes even prude, but maybe this girl is different? And either way, she’s still hot.
Your second date option is the Middle Tier Girl. Judging from her Facebook pictures she is a complete party animal, a total shitshow, and SaF. Sure she’s visually locked somewhere between the 6-7 range, but you’ve heard stories about this girl and you know that getting some action is more or less a sure thing.
Finally, you could always just stay home. Sure, you paid a lot of money for this formal trip, and skipping a visit to New Orleans would make you the ultimate pussy in the eyes of your brothers, but it’s not the end of the world.
So what’s it gonna be?
(Click your choice to continue)
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Is this fucking Cosmo?
Way too fucking lazy to do this. Repost this during exam season when I have to do an all nighter on adderall.
I’m entertained. Good Job.
I won formal. Now that I have established my credibility, allow me to note that on an unrelated issue, Jeans are FaF. I’m sick of hearing this Jeans are NF shit. During the Cold War, Jeans were a symbol of Western decadence. The fucking Russians protested cause they wanted fucking blue jeans! It is representative of America’s dominance.
That’s the coolest fucking story I’ve ever heard
The story of America is always the coolest story, fuck you
Wrangler. FaF.
Real. Comfortable. Jeans.
What the hell is this ? Pardon the Interruption?
Jeans are only FaF if worn with boots.
I’m too drunk for this.
No, there’s not enough boys for you for this.
Not bad, but if Bacon had been writing it would have been gold.
suck his dick a little harder
^You queer?
ballrider
So I guess it’s impossible to end up fucking the top-tier bitch?
This
^
Yeah I’m calling BS on it. You do everything right and she winds up half dead in a toilet. Is the moral of the story to always settle for the less hot slut? That’s fucking retarded.
On second try I had an orgy. So I guess it’s not all bad.
This is gayer than TCLutz’s genttips
First time I’ve seen you on TFM, is he on TFM?
Oh hey FritoFrat
Hey!
Just noticed the name, fuck you
Be nice you all! Being Nice. RFM.
T.C. Lutz @TCLutz 13m
Nothing wrong with a little Donkey Punch now and then, it might hurt her briefly, but it makes things better in the long run. #GentTips #RealTalk
“Ladies, just because one guy was a jerk to you doesn’t mean all guys are like that. Lose the jerk and find a gent.”
I won formal but didn’t get laid. And shit, I still don’t know what happened to my date. She was a bitch but it’s not like I wanted her to be sold into human trafficking.
Too fucking long.
I ended up getting AIDS. The fuck?
how?
This was great. I’d love to see more of these.
First go-through, top-tier girl puking
^
^
Yep
^^
Something’s going on here.. we all have very similar tastes
This thread consists of the moderately classy gentlemen of today’s society.
My dates in jail. Fuck.
Asking the top-tier woman her cup size first go around. TFTC?
I lost $5000 and won the formal. TFTC
got the drunk girl puking… wish there was an option for some kinky puke sex.
just keep thrusting
It’s like drilling for oil. Once it comes out, all you have to do is keep thrusting and it’ll flow like a river though the side of your dick.
woah dude, I wasn’t talking about face fucking her while she projectile vomits on your junk.
sounds like a good time to me
Great fun. LIke a fucking goosebumps book for fraternity men. All I did was take Bluto’s advice to keep drinking heavily.
Yes, those books were the best. This column is now the best
That’s exactly what I thought of.
motion for this column to be a TFM Top 10?
I got laid, drunk, and blow. How is that losing?