Locking pledges in a room and playing an annoying song on repeat for an extended period of time is a tried and true education technique. It pushes aspiring brothers to their mental limits without physical exertion and can be performed from the comfort of any household, which means you’re less likely to get slammed with allegations.
Pack your pledges in a small room, turn down the AC, crank up the volume, and blast these maddening tracks over and over.
9. “I Love You Song” – Barney
“I haze you. You serve me. You’ll never be in my fraternity.”
Aggravation Level: You go down on a girl but she doesn’t reciprocate
8. “The Most Annoying Thing” – Crazy Frog
Be sure to throw this on repeat. Waiting for that goddamn motorcycle impersonation to start up is like being a victim of Chinese water torture, waiting for the next water droplet to hit your forehead.
Aggravation Level: Conduct meeting with the judicial board
7. “The Gummy Bear Song” – Gummy Bear
I assume the evil bastards who spawned Crazy Frog are also responsible for the abomination that is Gummy Bear. If I was sent to a forsaken island and forced to wander a maze, I’d be relieved to see a Minotaur over either one of these mythical demon beasts.
Aggravation Level: Seeing a pro-Bernie Facebook status
6. “Tunak Tunak Tun” – Daler Mehndi
Tread lightly with this one. There’s a good chance your fraternity will be slammed with “cultural appropriation” allegations.
Aggravation Level: Sitting through a class presentation on how sexist the media is.
5. “The Most Annoying Sound In The World” – Lloyd Christmas
This one might take a little tweaking, but rip that sound Jim Carrey makes and put it on loop.
Aggravation Level: Anything that comes out of Jenny McCarthy’s mouth
4. “What’s New Pussycat?” – Tom Jones
There are a lot of songs by cat lovers on these torture tune lists. Coincidence? Nah.
Aggravation Level: Fines
3. “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” – Tiny Tim
You know how in third grade when you were learning to play the recorder and you would just blow on it as hard as possible? That’s what Tiny Tim’s voice sounds like. He is a sick and twisted human being.
Aggravation Level: Waiting for a porno to buffer
2. “10 Hours of Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee” — Spongebob
Click here to view
Much like the “10 hours of Mudkip” from our first installment, make sure you bring pledges some water if you plan on making them sit through the full video.
Aggravation Level: Urethral splinter
1. “100 Ways To Love A Cat” — Travis and Jonathan
Each “loving way” professed in the most painfully happy tone is another turn of the knife lodged in the eardrums of your pledges. This song is so brutal, the CIA used it to torture terrorists. Seriously. Make them memorize every verse for maximum cruelty.
Aggravation Level: Sitting through a presentation from Nationals..