After reading the recent column about the 39 lies that guys tell, I really started to reflect on my experiences and how these lies have worked their way into my very own life. I’ve come to accept that most of the time you guys aren’t telling the truth, but I just want you to know that it doesn’t have to be like this. I’d rather you be straightforward. Here are some of the things I’m sick of hearing:
1. You’re the only girl I talk to.
In the college world, being exclusive is like being fucking married. I expect you to talk to other girls, and it’s honestly okay. We aren’t dating and guess what? I talk to other guys, too. But if you pretend like you don’t talk to your ex, that girl from your hometown you’re secretly in love with, or one of my sorority sisters, you’re going to get my hopes up. So don’t.
2. I hate my ex/I don’t talk to my ex.
They are an ex for a reason, but you don’t have to pretend to hate them with a fiery passion from deep within. Everyone has a soft spot for exes, and the occasionally friendly conversation with one is not a big deal. Or maybe your ex was crazy, but either way I don’t really care to hear about her at all.
3. I’ll text you.
Often said as a goodbye after waking up from a drunken mistake, this frail attempt to pretend like we will actually ever talk again is useless. I don’t want you to text me just as much as you don’t want to text me. Problem solved.
4. I can’t finish with a condom on.
Just tell me you don’t like condoms? Don’t make it seem like you have a physical problem just because you’re a little wrapped up in latex. Your pull out game best be strong, though.
5. We should do this again sometime.
See “I’ll text you.”
6. I just want to cuddle.
If you tell me this, I’m going to assume that we can make it through an entire Netflix episode without you trying to touch me. I actually wanted to watch it, and if you wanted to have sex you should’ve just said so.
7. Yes, being friends is totally cool.
If things don’t work out, I’d rather you just tell me you never want to talk to me again instead of thinking we are platonic. Otherwise, I assume you are capable of hanging out with me and not getting all weird about it. My bad.
8. No, I don’t do drugs.
Saying this does not impress me, and I’d rather you just be upfront. Smoke every day or have a slight coke problem? I’m not going to judge you and I’d rather find out now.
9. I haven’t been with that many girls.
I won’t think less of you if have been. Plus, I know your reputation.
10. I’ve been with a lot of girls.
Why do you still suck in bed? Practice clearly does not make perfect.
11. I like you.
If you just want to hang out and have sex, fine. Under no circumstances confess imaginary feelings because you think it’ll get you further in bed. Throwing feelings into the mix when you have no intentions of going anywhere with it only leads to disaster that could’ve been easily avoided.
12. You’re special to me/I care about you.
Definitely say these things if you enjoy the time we spend outside of hooking up. Besides that, just a waste of your breath and my time.
Lying about these things really won’t get you anywhere, except maybe into more trouble than being truthful would. As impossible as it seems, just be honest..