The more experiences you have, the more insight and wisdom you’ll slowly gain. DON’T get me wrong, sirs, as I am not a very wise man. I’m quite stupid. For years, I got Ben Carson and Johnny Carson confused with each other. Luckily, now I remember that Johnny Carson was an African American neurosurgeon who ran for President and Ben Carson was that white comedian who hosted The Tonight Show back in the day before Ray Leno and Timmy Fallon took over. But that’s beside the point.
My point is this: In my years in the trenches, I have encountered many insane women. But here’s the bright side, I’ve encountered enough insane women that I am now an expert. I have a PhD in insane women. Because of my expertise in bitches that be trippin, I now know all the warning signs. Every crazy girl seems chill at first, but now I know how to predict if they’ll end up being crazy.
Here are some big red flags for a girl:
-She has more ex-boyfriends than fingers and toes.
-She has a Tumblr.
-She’s Iggy Azalea.
But here is the NUMBER ONE red flag that a chick can have. The hugest, most severe warning sign:
If a girl only has male friends, and she has NO female friends, RUN. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER IMMEDIATELY.
When a girl only hangs out with guy friends, she usually has her reasons. She says shit like:
“I hate all the drama that goes with having girl friends!”
“With guys it’s less drama!”
“Guys are so much more fun!”
“I’m just kind of a bro at heart! Haha!”
Wrong wrong wrong wrong.
If a girl ONLY has guy friends, it means she USED TO have girl friends, but those girls realized that she’s crazy and they ran the fuck away from her.
Don’t associate with a girl that has absolutely no buddies with vaginas. I don’t just mean don’t date her. I mean don’t even be platonic friends with her. Don’t even make eye contact with her. If she sits in the same row as you in a movie theater, either change rows or go see a different movie.
All girls that only hang with guys, used to hang with girls. But they burned every single bridge with those ladies. All of those female friendships were murdered by their insane behavior. Girls are smarter and more mature than guys, so they notice craziness way before dudes do. All her girl pals left this crazy bitch, so she realizes that men are more naïve and easy to fool, so she decides to exclusively hang with dudes.
These types of girls are dangerous. On top of that, they sleep with all those guys they hang with and they probably got more STDs than a rockstar in the ’80s. Her pussy probably looks like a beat up prizefighter that’s oozing with rainbow liquids. Always wear a hazmat suit around them.
But on top of their snatches looking like gruesome crime scenes, they’re just plain, good old-fashioned backstabbers. These ladies end up being the absolute worst kinds of girlfriends and friends. At best, they’re a clinically insane, melodramatic maniac. At worst, they’re a serial killer that makes lampshades out of scrotums.
So if you wanna remain safe in your life, please follow these words of advice. Whether she’s a girlfriend or just a platonic friend of yours, if a chick has no female friends, RUN..