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A Pole Vaulter Lost Because He Clipped His Dick On The Bar

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Many-a great athlete has fallen from glory because of his penis. Tiger Woods. Magic Johnson. Probably a lot more. And now, Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita.

While attempting to clear a 5.45 meter vault, Ogita’s Little Champion got snagged on the bar, knocking everything — the bar, his penis, his Olympic dreams — to the ground below.

Some people will say, “Nah man, his pork grazed the bar and he kept going — his hand brought it down.” No. You’re wrong. I’ve been watching this guy’s dick for the last 45 minutes and I can tell you with the utmost certainty that the bar was on its way down when his shaft rocked it out of its holster. The hand might have helped, but he put it up as a reflex to protect his wang. His penis buried him.

Gotta watch that dangle. That’s just pole vaulting 101. In the Olympics, where the competition is fierce and every inch counts, you have to either wear super-tight compression shorts or tuck that shit between your legs and tape it to your gooch. Smooth as a Ken doll. It’s basic aerodynamics. That’s the real reason athletes take steroids — to shrink their junk and minimize resistance.

But Ogita let it all hang out. His Japanese gonads were flopping around in their pink shorts like a koi fish out of water, and it cost him a shot at greatness.

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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