A Thanksgiving Toast.
On Thanksgiving Day, I personally wanted to take some time out of my ranting and rage to acknowledge the things we as fraternity men may sometimes overlook. From big to small, there are a number of blessings in our lives of excess that we must be thankful for, and what better time is there to raise a glass in honor of these things than Thanksgiving?
This Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to the fact that there will be a group of 20-40 kids going home from every house on campus, praying to God that they don’t get a call from the pledge trainer at 3 a.m. the Friday after the festivities conclude. These little bastards have cooked, cleaned, and driven all semester long, and their troubles will be over soon enough…which is something that they can be thankful for. Until then, I am thankful for their indentured servitude.
This Thanksgiving, I am thankful to be spending time with family back home. There is nothing quite like coming home to a feast of the best home cooking your mother has to offer, shooting the shit with your cousins about who is going to win the big rivalry game on Saturday, and finally being old enough to enjoy a few fingers of 21 year old Single Malt with Dad and Grandpa. Although the food in the Frat Castle is always pretty decent, the house cook couldn’t touch the way my mother knows how to cook a turkey. Plus, I’ll have the best leftovers money can buy for the next 3 weeks, and I’m very thankful someone else will be making them into sandwiches for me when I get back to campus.
This Thanksgiving, the entire country should be thankful for the fact that the NFL games this Thursday will be unusually relevant. For once in God knows how long, the Detroit Lions are actually 2nd in their division. Who are they behind? The UNDEFEATED Green Bay Packers, that’s fucking who. The fact these two will be squaring off after I finish downing half a turkey will not only make my Thanksgiving Day, but probably the entire week as well. But wait, just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, the MOTHERFUCKING Harbaugh brothers will be facing off on turkey day as well. That’s right; the head coaches of the Ravens and the Niners are brothers. If two teams leading their divisions being coached by siblings on Thanksgiving doesn’t sound kick-ass to you, your parents probably don’t want you to come home for the break. It’s not because it’s such a far drive, it’s because they don’t love you. Oh yeah, the Cowboys just pulled leading the NFC East out of their asses and the Dolphins are riding high after curb-stomping the bills, so that game will be solid as well. I’m picking the Fins. Fuck Dick Perry.
Finally, this Thanksgiving I would like to give thanks to the fact that when I go home I will know damn well that I have made better choices than the majority of people I will probably see from school. Sure, us fraternity men may party seven days a week, sleep with promiscuous women who hide behind a guise of class, and skip the occasional lecture from time to time, but the fact remains that we are STILL making better choices than most. For instance, the kids who decided to “reinvent” themselves in college. You remember the high school valedictorian who had all that promise? She’s now become a self-proclaimed “anarcho-communist” who believes the people of the world can take turns digging the ditches and performing open-heart surgery. Even worse are the people who stayed home. Can you recall the smoking hot cheerleader who went to the local community college? Next time you bump into her it’s going to be really hard determining who the baby she is holding belongs to. Chances are, it’s hers. The thighs are a dead giveaway.
So, this Thanksgiving, remember that you should always have something to be thankful for. Whether it’s the pledges who keep your shoes shiny, family who keeps the food coming, or the morning after pill that keeps you from having a family of your own, there is definitely something you can count as a blessing in your life. I raise my glass and toast all of you who keep on living the dream that is the lifestyle of a fraternity man. And from all of the TFM contributing writers, we’d like to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.