A Tribute To The Frat Aliens Of Aqua Teen Hunger Force

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“My dad owns a dealership.”

You might be familiar with that now almost decade old fraternity joke, but perhaps not its source. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the long running, absurdist, late night hit cartoon on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. It’s the sort of show that should be relatively obscure. It’s on cable and airs after 11pm. Plus it’s about talking fast food that solve mysteries (though that storyline was abandoned long ago), randomly live in New Jersey, and endure the constant inconveniences that come with the parade of aliens, demons, ghosts, etc. that torment their daily lives. What the fuck? Right?

Considering the setting and characters, it’s pretty obvious the show was created with the understanding that its viewers would be high, drunk, or both while watching it. Being fucked up certainly helps ease the viewer into a world where a sentient balloon thing anally rapes a guy named Carl.

I was first introduced to the show back in high school. I had, as was somewhat standard for me in those days, stumbled in the back door of my parents’ house around 2am on some random weekend or summer night, and I was decently drunk and stoned. I was really cool, you guys. After I’d microwaved an entire Sam’s Club excursion worth of pizza rolls, I turned on the TV and began to push my metabolism to its limits with the aforementioned 6,000 calorie onslaught of American snack food ingenuity. At some point, I randomly landed on Cartoon Network. I don’t remember why, maybe I had to put down the remote and repeatedly punch myself in the chest in order to restart my stopped heart, which at that point was absolutely clogged with little cubed pepperonis and plastic cheese. It would have been a death fit for a Boyardee heir. Regardless, Aqua Teen Hunger Force was on, and fucked up me was immediately entertained. I don’t remember which episode was playing the first time I watched it, but I do remember seeing my all time favorite episode shortly thereafter. That episode is aptly titled “Frat Aliens,” and it may be the most underrated piece of frat humor ever created.

Yes, it’s weird. Yes, it’s laughing at fraternities, not with them, but Goddammit these two Frat Aliens, named Donkey Punch and Skeeter, are hilarious. They’re perpetually shitfaced, they give zero fucks, they’re shameless try-hards, and it also helps that they’re both voiced by comedian Patton Oswalt, who I’d be willing to bet improvised a fair amount of his lines. That, in case you didn’t know, is a good thing.

Donkey Punch, or DP for short, and Skeeter don’t fuck around, guys. You wreck their shit and they will fuck you up, or call DP’s dad, who owns a dealership, which is FaF. He’s totally rich. At the end of the day though, they just want to have a good time. They want to rage, hook up (regardless of species), and haze.

They haze balls. You don’t want to get hazed? Go pledge some bottom tier house whose members’ dads don’t own dealerships.

If he wakes up, make him drink. TFM.

Every time I see Skeeter and DP on television I make sure to stop and watch, which really isn’t that inconvenient since the episodes are only 11 minutes long. It’s well worth it, because those Frat Aliens make me laugh until it hurts, until it hurts like eight bitches on a bitch boat.

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