A U.S. Soldier Set Off Chaos At Fort Bragg After Trying To Enter The Gates In His Suicide Bomber Costume

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Nice Move

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There are many among us who struggle mightily with basic decision making abilities. Some improve as their life experiences grow, others will forever be helpless and regretful. We’ve all made our mistakes as evidenced by the year Dorn dressed as children’s playground equipment or Jared’s ill-advised Used Condom costume in which he filled himself over the course of several months. Gravity kind of ruined that one for him, but shit happens. We learn and move on. For most, though, their mistakes aren’t considered a viable threat to national security.

As a member of the United States Armed Forces, one should be encouraged to refrain from dressing as the enemy. That conclusion doesn’t require thought. It’s so basic. So… logical. The soldier that arrived at the gates of Fort Bragg last night seemed to be devoid of all rational thought. God, I hope he was just wasted.

From NBC Connecticut:

The soldier was wearing what appeared to be an explosive vest. When the soldier arrived at the entrance, emergency response was called in and the scene had to be cleared. The gate stayed closed for an extended period of time, according to the Fort Bragg Facebook page.

Somewhere within the confines of Fort Bragg, a young soldier is sitting on the floor of his room, contemplating life as the pain of trench dick sets in. There is only so much sunshine he can sweep off the concrete. Mopping the concrete parking lot in a hailstorm is in his future. His immediate future is so painfully bleak. Only the military’s brightest individual would approach the gates of his own institution emulating the exact person his fellow servicemen and women overseas hunt and exterminate daily.

He surely had to have been banking hard on the absurdity of it all giving the guys dicking off in the guard shack a good laugh, once, ya know, they calmed down and hopefully didn’t put a bullet in his head. Dying might have ruined the chance to see their reaction, but so would being led away in handcuffs after a few boots imprinted themselves upon his face. Otherwise, it really was a foolproof plan.

I admire his balls, but I despise his stupidity. Maybe they cancel each other out, but regardless, we know of one soldier who will be a PT prodigy by the time his enlistment begrudgingly comes to an end.

[via NBC Connecticut]

Image via Wikipedia


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