A Woman Explains The Difference Between Cocky Asshole And Entitled Douche, Says It’s Keeping You From Getting Laid

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A Woman Explains The Difference Between Cocky Asshole And Entitled Douche, Says It's Keeping You From Getting Laid

You probably think you know where this is going. You’re wrong. This isn’t a declaration of how much our generation sucks or a guidebook on how to be nicer to women. This is a real issue that pisses me off and has for some time now.

It’s called “the entitlement factor,” and is, by definition, the most unattractive trait a guy can have. There’s a difference between being the confident asshole girls hate to love and being the try-hard douche who makes us want to cry for humanity. Do not make the mistake of thinking these two attitudes are the same.

A confident asshole has a specific demeanor, opinion, and personality, and he doesn’t change to match the people around him. He sets the tone, he doesn’t adapt to it. He doesn’t need everyone in earshot to know how hard he “skied the slopes last night” or that his dress shoes are worth more than the down payment on a one-story house in the suburbs. He’s able to think for himself and not for the herd. He lives by “my actions speak louder than my sick Vineyard Vines quarter zip,” and he knows that attending an Ivy League institution doesn’t mean girls will line up to suck his dick. He gives off the IDGAF vibe because he actually doesn’t give a fuck, not because he’s trying to fool you into thinking he doesn’t give a fuck.

The try-hard douche, on the other hand, is trying ever so hard to fit the mold created by the genuinely confident asshole. The try-hard douche doesn’t know how to tell a joke without malicious intent, and he can’t so much as order a burrito bowl at Chipotle without using words like “perpetuity” or “behooves.” He’s the type of dick who refers to those who summer in Southampton instead of Easthampton as “peasants,” and he wears shirts that say “Kennebunkport, Maine” even though he’s never been to Kennebunkport, Maine.

Now, boys, I get that you want something to brag about. You need something to fill the void of silence between screaming at the TV during sporting events and singing out loud to Taylor Swift when no one is watching. But it’s time to wake up and smell the vanilla-scented Yankee candle sitting next to your bed. You need to realize that just as guys hate the entitled girl, girls hate the entitled guy. No one wants to be around a little bitch who thinks he’s better than everyone else, especially when he feels the need to make it known. The fact that you have a trust fund doesn’t make you better than someone without one. Claiming to know every bouncer in the city doesn’t make you look popular or cool. Telling people that you “don’t own a piece of clothing valued under $51” doesn’t make you look cool. All of these things make you look like an arrogant prick and a borderline sociopathic homosexual who I will not be having sex with.

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and/or date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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