Actual Sorority Moves

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Nice Move

From the About section of ActualSororityMove.org:

Actual Sorority Move (ASM) is a movement that combats the negative stereotypes of “sorority girls” formed by the media, as well as degrading posts on various social networks.

[…]

Being in a sorority is about leading a values-driven life; it’s about sisterhood, service, and scholarship. It’s about honoring the women who were brave enough to seek education in a time when college was purely a man’s world. For them, it was about the constant struggle against the status quo–the idea that if you were a woman, you did not deserve an education. They banded together and formed secret societies, which were a place to share their hopes and dreams in a world that was much less than supportive of them.

They ran from and rose above the status quo, and in current times, we are placing ourselves back into it. Let’s be blunt: the media depicts sorority women as outright unintelligent, unclassy, and undeserving of esteem. We want to UN-do this.

Dear Editor of ASM, the male version of the real — or actual — Greek movement has already been attempted. Real Frat Moves was created to combat the negative perception of fraternity members conveyed by the mainstream. RFM was great. RFM was funny. RFM had no sense of humor, and that’s why it was so great and funny. But RFM had a short lifespan, because we had our way with it. Just ravaged the hell out of it.

And here you are now, another emboldened do-gooder trying to re-write the book on Greek stereotypes, satirical stereotypes.

Here are a few posts from the wall:

And this one is probably the greatest example of what the site aims to accomplish by thwarting negative sorority member stereotypes:

Oh, those are fun. They’re so fun, actually, that we want to see more. Being as impatient as we are, waiting for more ASMs to be added to the wall is not in the cards, so the TFM staff decided to help out with material and write some. So, Editor of ASM, feel free to use any of the following ASMs:

Only flushing after going #2 to save our planet’s water supply. #ASM

Allowing him to go 2-hole because you’re saving yourself for marriage. #ASM

Bidding the girl with the thyroid disorder because sisterhood comes in all shapes and sizes. #ASM

Refusing to use your parents’ credit cards because nothing beats that sense of accomplishment that comes from earning your own money, not even a social life. #ASM

I go shopping every other weekend…for toys to donate to the less fortunate. #ASM

I may not have a pretty face, but I have a pretty heart. #ASM

Judging guys by the content of their character, not the color of their credit card. #ASM

Never stalking your boyfriend’s Facebook because it’s disrespectful of his privacy. #ASM

The only thing I’ll blow is my hair dry. #ASM

I don’t even blow my hair. #ASM

It really IS a mutual selection process. #ASM

Sitting on my hand before giving him a handie. That way I can’t feel what I’m doing and it doesn’t count. #ASM

Bidding the really ugly girl so we can give her makeovers. #ASM

Squatting to pee, not squatting to S his D. #ASM

Going to the gym for a nice cardio session, not to be a sex object. #ASM

Making love to him because he holds the door for you, not because he holds your hair when you throw up. #ASM

Only calling your daddy, “daddy.” #ASM

Being the girl he wants to take home to his parents, not upstairs to “take shots.” #ASM

Taking Adderall because you have ADD, not to get skinny and earn your MRS degree. #ASM

Having sex. #NASM. Making love. #ASM

Collecting shacker shirts…to sew into quilts for the homeless. #ASM

Not spending the allowance your father gives you, no matter how big or small, even though he said it is completely okay and that he doesn’t mind, because it’s empowering…or something. #ASM

Showing up to everything sober. EVERYTHING. #ASM

Being so hard to get that I’m never actually gotten. Because they need to know I’m worth it, even though I guess they never actually will. #ASM

Keeping it Classy with a “C” and not a “K,” because sorority women never misspell anything, even ironically. #ASM

Constantly crafting, because idle hands are the devil’s playground, and penises are the jungle gym. #ASM

Making sure philanthropies are fun for no one, even the kids with cancer. #ASM

Living without regret, and having the baby instead of going to the clinic. #ASM

Keeping high standards, not a high brain with cocaine. #ASM

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Nice Move

Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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