Adrian Peterson Reportedly Paid For Underage Brother’s Birthday Orgy With Charity Money

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Nice Move

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I mean, if that’s not a self-explanatory title, I don’t know what is. Apparently back in 2011, Adrian Peterson was investigated (and later cleared of) charges of sexual misconduct, stemming from what can only be described as an orgy he paid for in a Minneapolis hotel. Peterson, his younger brother who was underage at the time, and another relative, Chris Brown, were participants in sexual activities that night with four women. No, not that Chris Brown. Believe me, I wish it was that Chris Brown–it would take this whole ridiculous story up a notch.

The icing on this really weird cake is that the festivities were paid for with the credit card attached to his charity, All Day, Inc. Separated from all of the other problematic elements of this story, paying for your sexual escapades using funds from your philanthropic foundation could probably be considered a pretty solid TFM. In context, however, maybe not so much.

All of this information is a part of a larger story done by the Minneapolis Star Tribune, which also alleges that the misuse of charity funds may not stop there. There are several discrepancies in his foundation’s reporting of where exactly a lot of the money has gone, and his charity reps freely admit that the organization did previously have a history of mismanagement.

So to cap it all off, AP, a dude who was previously considered one of those “high character” guys you look for in professional sports, is now under investigation for multiple instances of child abuse, has no fewer than six children with six women, has a generally suspicious background with his use of philanthropic money, and is totally comfortable with boning broads in the same room as other men he’s related to. Given the nature of all this new shit, Purple Jesus (a fantastically ironic nickname now) has firmly situated himself into what Bill Simmons refers to as “The Tyson Zone,” a term for a celebrity whose activities have become so ridiculous that you can hear any story about what he’s done and it would no longer surprise you, no matter how absurd.

Simmons himself would probably agree with me, except he’s still serving a suspension from ESPN for badmouthing the NFL, the hilariously inept, corrupt institution that tries to cover up stuff like this.

It’s been a weird month for sports fans.

[via Star Tribune]

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Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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