All Staunton College Fraternities Suspended After Historic Campus Building Burns Down

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Students, alumni, and members of the faculty at Staunton College were shocked to hear that one of the school’s academic buildings burned down late Saturday night. According to reports, Mosby Hall, constructed in 1923, was engulfed in flames by the time firefighters arrived on the scene.

“I just can’t believe it,” said Professor Jennifer Culver. “That building was a landmark on this campus.” The building was completely lost, but fortunately, nobody was inside that night. After an initial investigation, officials have ruled arson out of the picture.

“While there is some evidence indicating that the building was not intentionally burned down,” remarked the college’s Dean of Students, Scott Kanovski, “we are certain that fraternities were somehow involved. Numerous items, to include books and other documents, containing Greek lettering were found throughout what little remains of Mosby Hall.”

After searching every fraternity house on campus, officers of the Staunton College Police Department found, according to statements by the department’s chief, Don Hauser, “over 100 pieces of evidence” linking several fraternities to the fire, to include “matches, cigarette lighters, rocks that could have been hit together to create sparks, and over 58 gallons of grain alcohol that were likely used to start the fire.”

When asked if the fire marshal’s findings, which stated that all evidence seemed to show the fire was likely caused by an electrical short, had any effect on his belief that fraternity members are responsible for the incident, Dean Kanovski stated that, “This kind of thing could only be caused by a fraternity. I just know it. I mean, come on. Greek letters everywhere? Who else could possibly be responsible?”

As of this story’s publishing, all fraternities have been suspended for the remainder of the 2015-2016 school year. Until a replacement building can be built, the Classical Languages department will be relocated to McGuire Hall.

Image via Shutterstock

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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