75 Arrested At Massive 1,000-Person Amish Rager In Ohio

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What the police are calling a “large Amish party” — packed with over 1,000 attendees — was broken up early Sunday morning in Holmes County, Ohio. Around 75 people were arrested for underage drinking.

From PJMedia:

According to a report in The Daily Record, concerned parents began calling the Holmes County Sheriff’s Office late last week to let them know of “a large party expected to attract more than 1,000 Amish youth from across Ohio and neighboring states.”

They discovered the party in a massive field along County Road 400 in Hardy Township early Sunday morning.

According to The Daily Record, more than 40 officers from Holmes, Coshocton, Carroll, Tuscarawas and Wayne counties, along with the State Highway Patrol and Millersburg Police Department were involved in the raid. The Holmes Fire Department also assisted at the scene.

I don’t know what it is, but the thought of Amish people partying is inherently funny. Imagine the squad of 40 officers shining their blinky hand demons (flashlights) on the unsuspecting mass of Amish hooligans and everything dissolving into utter chaos. Just a whirlwind of straw hats and bonnets and colonial Dutch swears. Abner hiding his giant, Gandalf-style wooden pipe (packed with dank, freshly-grown weed) under a bale of hay. Esther trying desperately to cover her ankles as she flees the barn with Abraham. Gertrude shouting “PESTKOP!” at the cops as they struggle to cuff her (A man on a buggie once shouted this at me from the side of a dirt road in rural Pennsylvania — turns out it means “Plague Head.” I’ll be honest, it hurt).

I need to go to an Amish party ASAP. Sure, they might think iPhones are just super stale biscuits, but those folks know how to get down. According to the news story, the Amish in that county are always getting the cops called on them for being drunk and loud. I say the 5-0 needs to stop being a bunch of Klerelijers (cholera sufferers) and let the kids play. Because for them, standing in a field and getting drunk is literally the only thing to do.

[via PJMedia]

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