An Ode To The Geed In Your House

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geed

He’s there. He might even be in your pledge class. Hell, you might even have been the one who extended him a bid. He’s the geed of your fraternity.

He is the guy younger members can only say, “Jesus, he must’ve been just for numbers.” He probably was just another number who now helps rack up the fun fund.

The fraternity geed is an interesting fellow. Without a doubt, he was the guy who dumbassingly showed up to the first rush event sporting a few too many pockets on his shorts. He showed up to his first fraternity party as a rush with a six-pack of IPA geed juice. Brothers stormed the risk manager asking how this rando slipped through the cracks. Then brothers unraveled just how far left this guy really swung, and “fuck that kid” was the main chant when he uninvitedly showed up to your rush events.

How this should-be geed pulled it off, no one really knows. Surely enough, someone, whether it was the rush chair or some brave soul on rush committee, saw something in this dweeb. Enough to infamously extend this kid a bid. Maybe it was his redundant freshman-like passion for your school’s sports program. Maybe it was the fact that his cousin accidentally downloaded “Wagon Wheel” to his iPhone–sure enough, it was on there. Just like that, this rushee immediately turned into just another pledge. Just another subject to the h-word.

Word spread like wildfire about this dingus’s bid, but it was too late. Besides–okay, let’s just call this kid Charlie–Charlie had no idea what he was getting himself into. The state of the pledge class went down the totem pole of life that is any pledge program. Soon enough, the ambiguity of the individual faces of the pledge class became obvious, and ultimately, Charlie became just another unpaid and highly uncelebrated housemaid.

The pledge class viewed Charlie as a normal kid during pledging. He was one who put out the labor and took everything like a good ole pledge. Brothers saw how good of a pledge Charlie was, so why not keep such great peasant around for a while? Weeks went by and Charlie was granted pledge heaven when he flew back home for Thanksgiving break. No one exactly knew what Charlie’s parents threw into his stuffing, but it was clear pledging and fraternity life had changed this kid. All his pledge stories wowed his even geedier high school friends. At the next pledge meeting, Charlie strolled in with his head held high, wearing a brand new wardrobe of respectable brands and Sperrys without a single stain from cheep beer on them.

How did it sneak up so fast? Was it the lust of a new college year? Did you really black out that often that you didn’t realize this day this would come?

These were probably all the questions firing through your brain when, at initiation, Pledge Charlie became Brother Charlie.

Brother Charlie immediately shot into fraternity try-hard mode, practically quacking out the word “frat” like some fraternity try-hard turned duck. Everyone in the house somehow knew his gym schedule more than their own class schedules. “Turn down for what?” Well, he surely couldn’t answer. Maybe that was why Charlie felt obligated to scream it every chance he could at a party. Still thinking of who this guy is in your house? Well, he’s probably about to knock on your door to ask if you’ve seen the newest Fail Friday–it’s been up for four minutes.

Now, only a year later, there is a constant spiral between self-proclaimed frat star and obvious geed somehow rocking letters. The only letters that should ever be stitched onto a sweater for this kid should read “Gamma Delta Iota.” The mixed opinions about this geed spark up so much conversation around the house that one ultimately wonders without a guy like him, who would be next in line to be the verbal fraternity punching bag? As much as you want to slap a pair of cargos on him and kick him straight to Geedville, you just don’t care enough to do so. All that’s left to really think is, “How in the world did this guy get a bid–before me?”

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