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An Ode To Valentine’s Day Eve

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 Ladies and gents, it’s time we pay proper tribute to America’s most underrated holiday: Valentine’s Day Eve.

V-Day Eve–alternatively known as Desperation Day, further alternatively known Bizarro World Father’s Day–is a phenomenon unlike any other.

Why do so many “Great/Regrettable Moments In Hookup History” occur on this holiest of holidays? Simple, really. The greatest trick those devils in the card industry ever pulled was to convince the world that Hallmark holidays were important. Seriously, considering how they shove Valentine’s Day down chicks’ throats, the pop culture powers that be may as well yell, “YEAH JEETS” every time an ad for the holiday of roses and chocolate pops up.

The perceived consequences of women being single on Valentine’s Day are dumbfounding, hilarious, and 100 PERCENT TRUE.

That’s why when it comes to Desperation Day, I say you ladies need to own it. If Claire from “The Bachelor” (don’t judge me) has taught us anything, it’s that the only way to live life is to grab life by the throat

 

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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