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Another Email Exchange Between A Broken Pledge And His Concerned Mother

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of An Email Exchange Between A Broken Pledge And His Concerned Mother by visiting the archive.

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Moms worry. It’s what they do. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing sports, driving on long road trips, or dating that new girl she’s still unsure of — she is always worried something bad will happen to you. It’s on page 1 in the Mom Guide. It’s her nature, and it’s because she loves you. This becomes exponentially truer when you leave her nest for college.

She has to keep in touch with you.

Catch up on parts one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven of the email exchange if you missed them.

___

From: Mom
Subject: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 11:13 AM
To: Carl

Hi Carl. Mom again.

I have once again taken a few days to cry away the pain and mentally recover from a chain of volatile and disturbing emails from my once sweet son. I don’t know what to do about you at this point. It’s clear your psyche has crumbled under the terroristic regime of your frat friends. I don’t know what’s more terrifying, the current state of mental anguish you’re in, or that you will soon become one of them. One of the very people who have caused my sweet Carl to transform into a hateful, scared, masochistic deviant over the course of a single semester.

Why do you want to join this frat, Carl?! WHY?!?! They’ve ruined you!

It’s not too late, my sweet son. There is a flicker of the old Carl deep inside you somewhere. I can see him, and I want to meet him again. All hope is not lost.

Carl, come home. Come home to your mother. Leave your frat life, take the rest of the semester off, and come home so we can take you to counseling and get the old you back.

It’s time. End the suffering. Come home.

– Mom

P.S. You’ll always be my sweet boy. Bax’s too! 😉

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 1:22 PM
To: Mom

I can’t do this with you again, Mom. This is all part of the process. I’m fine! Haha I promise. I’m good. Sorry for losing my cool again. I’m just stressed out and I know I can’t be taking it out on you like this. These are actually pretty good guys, by the way. Just a part of me becoming an active member in the fraternity. All is good.

How are you and Dad?

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 1:26 PM
To: Carl

Oh Carl, you’re not fine though. Please come home and let me wrap my arms around you! We’ll get through this together. I’m your mom and your best friend! I’ll give you all the friendship you need. Those frat guys can’t compete with me lol!

We’re not so great actually, but we can talk about that when you’re home. Just come see me.

– Your loving mother

P.S. I started drinking again.

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 1:54 PM
To: Mom

I’m not coming home, Mom. I promise you I’m fine. Lot of ups and downs but overall this is a fun place. I’m having a great time.

I don’t blame you for drinking, Mom. It helps with the pain. Trust me, I know! Haha JK.

– Carl

P.S. Worried about you and Dad.

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 1:57 PM
To: Carl

We’ll be fine, Carl. Let’s talk about what’s most important. You!!! Come home to your mom. Let me take care of you.

Did we shelter you too much? Are you not ready for college yet, sweet boy? Oh where did everything go wrong? I’m so worried.

– Your Mom

P.S. You and Bax can be roomies! Lol!

P.P.S. You better be joking. You’re too young for hard alcohol.

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 6:32 PM
To: Mom

Mom, I’ll be fine. I love you. Gotta run to this pledge meeting.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 10, 2013 6:33 PM
To: Carl

Okay, Carl. Be safe. We’re all thinking about you. Especially Bax!

– Mom!

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 11, 2013 9:02 AM
To: Carl

Just checking on you, Carl. How was your pledge meeting? Did you make any new friends?!

Kisses.

– Mom!!!

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 11, 2013 9:48 AM
To: Mom

It wasn’t a pledge meeting. Mom, it was the beginning of our Hell Week. I’m still at the fraternity house.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 11, 2013 9:49 AM
To: Carl

Carl, please tell me what Hell Week is. Your old mom hasn’t been in college in a long time lol. She’s a bit out of touch. Is it a fun thing? Is it a party?! Sounds spooky lol!

– Mom

P.S. Make good decisions.

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 11, 2013 11:51 AM
To: Mom

Hell Week is the final week of pledging. Ask Dad, for fuck’s sake. How do you not know this? My life is very literally going to be hell for the entire week. No sleep, slop for dinner, house cleaning, and an overall sub-third world living environment. FUCKKKKKKK.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 11, 2013 11:56 AM
To: Carl

Don’t you dare talk to your MOM like that, Carl!

Carl, what they’re doing to you is illegal. They can’t hold you captive. That’s false imprisonment. A felony! They’re criminals!!! Carl, I want to alert the authorities. Oh no, my poor baby. Carl, Mom is coming down there. I’ll rescue you! Oh, Carl. Be strong. Be strong for me. Hold on. I’m coming. Just give me the word and I’m there!

– Your mom

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 12, 2013 8:15 AM
To: Carl

Carl? Baby, please talk to me. Are you okay?

– Mom 🙁

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 13, 2013 11:50 PM
To: Mom

You can’t come down here, and if you call the cops I’ll never talk to you again. Goddamn, woman.

Mom, listen, I was able to sneak away from the group and find a secluded corner of the basement. No one knows I’m down here. It’s dark and hidden. Filthy, too. I hear rodents at night. They are my only company. I was able to find an old, tattered quilt down here and I’m using my backpack as a pillow. Using the light of my phone to see. Powering it down when not in use to conserve battery. I have no food but I do have 16 ounces of Dasani water left that I had in my backpack. I will survive. Pray for me.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 13, 2013 11:51 PM
To: Carl

Oh my God, Carl. Just like Anne Frank. Survive, son! Survive! It will be over soon. I love you. I am praying so hard.

– Mom

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 14, 2013 12:12 PM
To: Mom

They found me, Mom. I’m scared. They said the only way they let me off the hook for hiding is by sacrificing Baxter. They gave me specific instructions to have him bound, blindfolded, and delivered to the house by no later than midnight tonight.

I don’t even know if they’re joking. I’m tired. I’m weary. I’m starving. Help me.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 14, 2013 12:31 PM
To: Carl

Carl, this better not be one of your frat pranks again. I can’t go through this anymore. Please stop, son. Your mom is an emotional wreck right now, with your dad sleeping around and the drinking and you going through this frat stuff.

Please stop this nonsense, Carl. I love you but please don’t do this to me. Not now.

– Your broken Mom 😐

P.S. Baxter is sick too. He shares my pain with me.

___

From: Carl
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 14, 2013 1:44 PM
To: Mom

Hey Mom get this: FUCK Baxter. Hogtie that little rat fuck and drop his bitch ass on the front porch of our house by midnight tonight. Don’t fuck this up.

– Carl

___

From: Mom
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please Come Home
Date: April 14, 2013 1:45 PM
To: Carl

You’re a monster, Carl.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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