This one comes from the College of William and Mary, and while Sunday school tame compared to Cunt Punt’s verbal nuke job, this one is funny in its own right.
Instead of the fucking awkward and the fucking boring boners that Rebecca Martinson tried to straighten out, this sorority seems to have a problem keeping their vaginas in their pants in the common areas of the sorority house.
Here it is:
Subject: NO NO NO NO NO NO sex in common areas
LADIES (and someone in here is not acting like one)…..
NO SEX ON THE RED COUCH.
NO SEX IN THE KITCHEN (this particularly is upsetting as its supposed to be clean bc we prepare food).
NO SEX ANYWHERE In the common areas. NONE NONE NONE.
i cant believe i have to write this. but the condom wrapper in the kitchen is the LAST STRAW. im really pissed off. i dont want to eat from an area with your disgusting butt/vag/friends ween germs nor do i want to sit on them. so cut it out. we have beds for a reason and if you really have an aversion to sex in your bed (which is honestly really the only comfy option i enjoy of the three) then have sex in someone else’s COMMON area. its called common for a reason. its PUBLIC. so cut it out. if you dont have the balls to sexile the roommate, dont let someone else’s on the sofa or in OUR kitchen.
im so angry right now and im not sorry this is mean because its NOT okay. you have disrespected everyone and i dont appreciate it. ITS GROSSSSSSSS and UNSANITARY. i want to lysol the entire house now. i can understand it happening when youre really drunk but its not just that. keep in mind that i live on the first floor. and that sound carries. that goes not only for the house sex bandits, but for noise bandits as well.
ps to the kitchen offender: take the fucking condom wrapper out of the pot under the stove. thats not a trash can. its cookware.
Red couches are just kinda begging to be fornicated on, aren’t they? It’s not exactly the floral patterned, neutrally-colored sofa at Grandma’s with the plastic covering. It’s a red couch. It’s for sex. That’s my take anyway.
I don’t know how these emails keep leaking, but we’re glad they are.