Depending on how you look at it, this has either been the best year in the history of the U.S. Secret Service, or the worst (not counting years marred by successful presidential assassinations). First came the prostitution scandal this spring, which eventually led to the resignation of several Secret Service members, and now a celebrity chef is saying that they threw keg parties in Myanmar.
— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) November 26, 2012
I’ve seen quite a few episodes of Anthony Bourdain’s show, No Reservations, so I know he drinks like a fish and there’s a possibility he was just fucking around on twitter. Or maybe he legitimately rented a phone in Myanmar that was previously rented by a prostitute loving, keg party throwing Secret Service agent who forgot to delete his texts. Why would a member of the Secret Service need to rent a phone? I don’t have the slightest fucking clue. You’d think that special Government Issue cellies with thumbprint security and deadly James Bond laser beams would be provided.
Nonetheless, I think the most important and obvious fact stemming from these allegations is being ignored: if you’re in the Secret Service, and sworn to sacrifice your life for the President of the United States, you should be allowed to throw down every now and then. A few of the Secret Service guys hired South American prostitutes and got shitfaced shortly before President Obama arrived for a summit meeting in Colombia? Good for them. Do you have any fucking idea how dangerous Colombia is? It very well could have been the last night of their lives. Some Secret Service guys bought a few kegs of brew in Myanmar, and then texted each other on their rented cell phones to organize a little drinking time? I don’t care, and Anthony Bourdain is a fucking rat. He’s just jealous that he wasn’t invited. Until they’re butt-chugging or guarding the President while intoxicated (GTPWI), don’t bother me with what our country’s finest do in their private time.