Are you broke and hopeless, working at a Burger King drive thru? Did that Social Media degree not really pan out for you? Or maybe you blew your chance at an internship with a certain major college-related media company because you brought Dorn’s beer a degree too warm and he gave you the sack? I mean he literally tied you into a trash bag and left you on the curb to be picked up by a garbage truck.
Maybe you should open a Dutch Bros franchise.
Kristen Von Tersch, a 28-year-old college dropout with a pierced nose, owns five Dutch Bros. drive-through coffee franchises in the sleepy southern Oregon town of Klamath Falls. A year ago she was making $35,000 as a regional manager. Now her stores are on track to gross nearly $4 million, leaving her $230,000 in profit.
To buy her five franchises, she had to put up only $5,000. By contrast, Dunkin’ Donuts requires franchisees to have liquid assets of at least $250,000 and a net worth of $500,000 per store. To cover the rest of her investment, including the $30,000-per-store franchise fees plus depreciated equipment costs, Dutch Bros. loaned her $250,000 at 12% interest, amortized over ten years. She pays rent on the real estate and a royalty of 7% of her gross.
You have to actually work for the company for a couple years to get this deal, but hey, you’re not doing much better at BK. Become a Frappe Bro/American-ho. Go learn how to sell sugary horse cum to high school students. The greatest thing about America is that even a worthless loser like you can make something of yourself if you put in the effort.
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