Aside from anything involving Greg Maddux, my favorite athlete stories involve the insane, homicidal competitiveness of guys like Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. The “he would definitely commit a real murder in the heat of the moment” type stuff. You’d have a hard time convincing me Jordan wouldn’t have had John Stockton’s kids kidnapped to gain a mental edge if knew he could have gotten away with it in ’97 and ’98.
Enter Kentucky’s football players, many of whom are apparently only seconds away from throwing hands while facing off against each other in the Thunder Dome that is locker room Connect Four.
Want to start a fight in the Kentucky locker room?
It takes just two words: Connect Four.
“You’d think it was fourth-and-1 on the goal line,” described longtime Kentucky football media relations guru Tony Neely. “They’ll lay on the floor of the locker room, yelling and screaming at each other.”
It all started months ago when wide receiver Alexander Montgomery brought in his Connect Four board game and declared himself the undisputed ruler of the vertical board with the colorful discs and detachable legs.
“I’m the best Connect Four player ever,” he confirmed a few weeks ago.
And who’s second best? “Me.”
“J.D. Harmon will tell you he’s the best,” explained center Jon Toth. “The defensive backs, I thought they were going to get in a fight the other day arguing about who was the best.”
“There’s some heated reactions for a while when you catch a guy off guard,” Toth said. “You’re setting something up for a while and they didn’t see it. Sometimes you catch a guy off guard, he gets a little upset. But it’s all in good fun.”
I would pay more money to watch these giant, pissed off Kentucky football players scream at each other as they play Connect Four than I would to actually watch Kentucky football. True story. I want to see this. I hope every game ends exactly like this clip of “Bad Santa” does.
According to the players, playing the game helps build team spirit, camaraderie, blah blah, etc. So that’s nice, but I don’t care. Someone film these Connect Four death matches and post them. It’ll be the only thing good to come out of the SEC East all year..