Just when we thought things couldn’t get any crazier at ASU, you can now buy pain pills from a vending machine. Sure, they’ll also carry boring stuff like antibiotics, but I’m sure that’s definitely why the students on campus are so thrilled about its arrival. I’m sending my thoughts and prayers to the admissions officers over in the administration building who are probably about to get the biggest influx of transfer applications the school has ever seen. ASU has come up with some reasoning for this machine, which sounds fine in theory, until you recognize that you’re putting this on a college campus–particularly ASU. This was a terrible, terrible decision by the university staff.
In an attempt to make student and employee healthcare more efficient, ASU has come up with this simple solution. Go to health services on campus, get diagnosed, walk to a vending machine with your voucher, get your meds. The benefit of this, of course, is that sick students who need antibiotics or Tamiflu don’t have to drive their sniffling selves over to Walgreens and can have their medication needs filled instantly. That makes sense. What I’m baffled by is that it looks like university officials have also authorized this machine to be filled with loads and loads of pain meds, too.
Although school officials haven’t confirmed a list of the more than 50 drugs that will be available in the machine, the company that created this little magic box says it will carry medications that are urgently needed, such as antibiotics and pain medications. Will it also carry Adderall during finals and Plan B during formals? Officials haven’t said, but I think those definitely fall under the category of “urgent” needs.
The machine is justified by manufacturers saying it has vault-lock technology, making it nearly impossible to break into. Because that’s what college students would do instead of following their friends with prescriptions to the machines and collecting a handout. Yeah, that would never happen. College students are angels. My guess is that this thing won’t last until Christmas..
Image via Arizona State University Health Services