Ask Intern Sydney

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Nice Move

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1. Dear Sydney,
Tbh I’m really only used to sending business emails, so I’ll try to make this a little less… Formal, but if you’d be interested in coming to mine, I think it would be one hell of a time.
PS, you’re articles are dope.
PPS, you’re also gorgeous.

You failed to mention any details about said formal, so I will have to decline.

2. How do we know you are real and not some madeup fantasy from the guys? I know I’ve always fantasized about pretending to be a powerful, illustrious, independent woman who gets to answer stupid questions all day. After learning that the moon landing might have been a hoax I just have to question that you exist. I also just learned that some believe the world is flat but Nasa is trying to cover it up to prevent panic. Anyway, have a nice day and hope to get a response.

Well, I’m on the internet and everything on the internet is real.

3. I graduated college a year ago. I work a lot, and still have some professional exams to take. I’m happy, I’m successful, but I feel like I’m losing touch with the fun side of myself, and college me would be pissed off about it. What should I do to make myself feel like I’m still raging in college?

Once you graduate college you shouldn’t still be raging like you’re in college, because you’re not. No more Tuesday nights blacking out in the bar by 11:45 PM, you’re a grown ass man now. I know it’s hard to accept, but it’s time to move on. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic is only acceptable and expected in college.

4. Does being on the fishing team count as a sport?

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

5. Heard a rumor that the reason intern Denis had to leave was because he “flew too close to the sun” with the ‘sun’ being you. Like, as in he and you smashed which led to awkwardness that got him booted since you’re clearly the more visually appealing intern. Any truth to this?

As much as I’d love to be the demise of Denis, there is no truth in this rumor. I came to TFM about a month after he left. Fly high, Denis.

6. What crime(s) would you commit if there was a purge? Like In the movie?

With the amount of death threats I receive I think it would be in my best interest to stay inside and not participate.

7. First, my question:
I got in a pretty bad accident a while back. I got hit by a freaking truck while walking down the sidewalk. I shouldn’t really be alive…
Luckily, I did my best to protect the 2 girls I was walking with so they didn’t get hurt very badly (if at all).
I, however, took…a full, Ford truck coming at me at 30MPH. My leg was shattered and my brain injury was as bad as they come. I have scars all over my face now that I feel like everyone sees.
I guess my question is- how do I tell girls, or just people in general, about my accident without sounding like a conceited douche who loves himself and thinks he’s half superman?
2nd order of business: I love you.

The subject of this email was “#ShouldBeDead” so honestly really refreshing to see this wasn’t a death threat. But you’re adding more details to the story than needed. If someone asks about your scars all you have to say is you were hit by a truck, no need to include saving two girls unless it comes up.

8. Would you rather win 10 million dollars, or be able to orgasm every time you have sex from now until you die?

I’d give up sex for life for 10 million dollars.

9. should I give a shit that I’m not invited to parties in HS? It’s mostly really athletic varsity guys that go and many of them are kinda dicks, but I feel like if I like tried really hard I could get in one of those friend groups.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Give it three years and the “cool” kids from high school will gain 50 lbs and post weekly #TBTs of their days as high school quarterback/cheerleader.

10. I have an extremely important question for you that is detrimental to the power balance of summer internship. Would you rather have pubes for teeth or teeth for pubes?

How am I suppose to enjoy a delicious double bacon cheeseburger if I don’t have teeth to chew with? The answer here is obvious.

11. First I just want to say that I love what you’re doing for TFM. Keep up the good work! Second, how would a guy go about successfully sliding into a girl’s DMs?

Literally just don’t be creepy. I recommend saying something funny (only if you’re funny, otherwise it’s going to be creepy). Most girls are really flattered when a guy messages them. I’m excluded from that category so don’t DM me.

12. I always see this argument on my yak feed so I’d like to hear an answer from someone that I know is actually in a sorority. I would never ask this question to someone I know unless I could do it anonymously (which I can’t), so a serious answer would be preferred because I want to see who is right. Assuming the guy meets your standard and you were interested, would you hook up with a guy not in a fraternity? If not, any reason why?

First, who still uses yik yak? Second, I can’t speak for every Greek girl, but it makes no difference to me if a guy is in a fraternity or not. Sure there are perks to dating a fraternity boy (formals, date parties, his understanding of Greek life), but that’s not going to make or break it for me. Now, if you asked my freshman year self I’d probably be disgusted dating a GDI.

Send me your questions and comments to Sydney@totalfratmove.com or tweet @woysydney.