Ask Intern Sydney

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Nice Move

Ask Intern Sydney

1. Hey, regarding formal lol I want to ask you to my formal next fall. I’m actually willing to pay the $$$ to bring you.

The amount of horny, desperate college boys that took my last article seriously is alarming. I think I would need way more than $500 to spend a whole weekend with you serial creepers that are willing to pay to bring a date you’ve never met to formal. Any person willing to pay that amount is not a person I want to be in the same room with for any period of time. However, feel free to Venmo me the money anyway.

2. Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. I got a very serious question to mix it up from the garbage you get everyday. When you go to a male strip club, do you want to see the dick and balls? And if you do want to see the dick, flaccid or full erect?

I’m confused why this question starts with “when” as if it’s a given fact that I’ve been to a male strip club.

3. Sydney, I am in a relationship of six month. The first three months of the relationship me and the girl were very sexualy active. The last three months we have not been. She claims it’s because of her commitment to being a good Christian, but I don’t buy that since she slept with me after a week. My question here is what is her real issue? And is this wrong of her to cut me off like that?

“Commitment to being a good Christian” sounds like a good excuse for a cheater.

4. Do u know any woman who love to have sex in Monmouth county NJ how about some Linley wives or divorces

Let me break down the contents of this email for y’all. The photo associated with this man’s email address is probably the greatest part of it. Unfortunately, I can’t share it with you so I’ll do my best to describe it. Mid-to-late 50s. Resembles a more pedophile version of David Hasselhoff. After clicking on this man’s Google profile, I found a dozen posts regarding his love for a 17-year-old singer named “Jacquie Lee,” which confirms my pedophile suspicion and brings me to question why this man would be looking for divorcees and lonely wives. Anyway, to answer your question sir, I unfortunately do not know of any divorcees or lonely wives in Monmouth county, BUT sounds like the girlfriend in question 3 is bored of her relationship so I’d look into that.

5. What’s a good move besides Netflix and chill if you want to hookup with a girl? We met on tinder and we’ll both be in my hometown for the Summer, but we haven’t met in person yet. I don’t want to scare her off by straight up asking her on a date, as she seems like the heartless bitch type. Need a first encounter strategy that doesn’t include college bar/party scene, plus we’re underage. It’s fucked, but I gotta make this work.

Just because a girl seems like “the heartless bitch type” doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want to go on a date. You should at least buy this girl a nice meal if your only goal is to hookup with her.

6. Of all the colleges out there why would you choose texas state?

People love to hate on Texas State. Then again, if I was at some boring university working my ass off to maintain a 2.5, I’d be a little bitter too. We have a river that literally runs through campus. We’re in the perfect location (30 minutes from Austin or San Antonio). We might suck at sports, but our tailgates are better than yours. You pretty much have to try to get below a 3.0 GPA. It’s been a great three years and I wouldn’t trade it for any other college experience.

7. Alright, my question is: were you super popular in high school?

I wasn’t some loser freak, but I wouldn’t say I was the most popular. My reputation was more of the funny girl (although, I did lose most humorous my senior year RIP hopes and dreams). From the Twitter profile I see this question came from someone currently in high school. My advice is don’t stress about being popular, they all end up overweight at a community college posting #TBT’s of their high school days.

8. I read your responses to some of those questions you recently answered…geez you sound like a sweat heart…not. lol Kinda ruthless.

Not a question, but I love answering comments like these. I’m confused why it’s perfectly fine, funny even, for guys to send me crude, mean questions/comments, but when I do it I’m a terrible person. It’s called a sense of humor and guess what? Girls can have them too!! I don’t take the questions/comments I get to heart, because I know they’re trying to be funny and it’s entertaining to play along. This is a college humor website, if you take anything on here seriously you need to find a new hobby.

9. Would you rather have cancer but find the cure for AIDS or have AIDS and find the cure for cancer?

More people are affected by cancer, so I guess I’d rather have AIDS and find the cure for cancer (I do have a heart, surprise).

10. You look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?

WHY DO GUYS USE THIS AS A PICK UP LINE??? If you knew me, you probably wouldn’t have to ask if you knew me. I’m on the internet, that’s probably where you know me from.

11. Hey, just a question. How did you get the job with TFM and where are they ran out of? And are they highering at the moment?

If you can’t spell “hiring” correctly you don’t even deserve to work at a McDonald’s.

12. Hilary or Trump?

Picking between Hilary or Trump is the equivalent to picking between drowning and burning alive.

13. Intern Sydney, can you tell us why Fail Friday has not been posted yet?

Just going to include this question in every article until you idiots stop asking me. I’m not in charge of Fail Friday.

Send me your own questions, or just let me roast you at Sydney@totalfratmove.com